Welcome to the AFC North weekly predictions!
Each week, our AFC North feature writers will list their picks for that week and be forced to explain why they voted as they did. Keep in mind that these picks are for entertainment purposes only, and in no way should be used to influence gambling or illegal activity, unless you’re smart enough to recognize that we know more than you because we publish things.
With another 11-5 record last weekend, your AFC North prognosticators are becoming an Andy Reid type team: solid (read: rotund) and dependable, but not getting you to the big dance. It’s unsurprising that the two teams that continue to search for identities on the field remain betting enigmas; the Ravens and Bengals are tough to predict, but both seem to be trending in a downwards direction. Cleveland continues to struggle to field a healthy, even less experienced team week to week, and Pittsburgh looks to be hitting its stride offensively.
Week Six games:
Sunday:
Cincinnati Bengals (2-3) @ New England Patriots (4-1), 1:00 pm, CBS
Baltimore Ravens (3-2) @ New York Giants (2-3), 1:00 pm, CBS
Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1) @ Miami Dolphins (1-4), 1:00 pm, CBS
Cleveland Browns (0-5) @ Tennessee Titans (2-3), 1:00pm, CBS
The entire division packs up its lunch pails and has assistants bring them on the road this week, with all four games in the opponents’ stadia. In Pittsburgh’s case, Miami isn’t known to have much of a home field advantage. Nor are they known for much else this season. If Miami fails again to piece together an offensive line, the floodgates could open for Pittsburgh’s defense to capitalize. We already know the Steelers’ offense poses issues.
We’ve had the “Thrilla in Manilla” and the “Rumble in the Jungle.” Is the Browns at Titans game the “Collective Sigh from Dubai?” (adjusts dad shorts) Hue Jackson seems to like what he’s seen from a healthy Cody Kessler, who looks to be the starter going forward. Tennessee isn’t known for a ferocious pass rush, but Cleveland barely has enough bodies to cobble together an offensive line currently.
The Ravens head on the road to a boisterous Giants stadium and will try to bring some cohesion to their offensive approach. Marty Mornhinweg has to scheme for a pricey free agent defense that hasn’t seemed to pan out yet in New York. The Giants will look to exploit poor form from the Ravens’ special teams and defense to keep the game close.
By war of attrition, the game of the week is Cincinnati at New England. The Bengals haven’t given much reason to believe they will give the Patriots a competitive game, but, counted out, backs against the wall, chips, shoulders, etc. That, and the fact that it’s a 1PM start. The Bengals should focus on a balanced attack offensively, to dictate the pace, but RB Stephen Hill hasn’t lived up to expectations this season, and coaching seems too quick to abandon the run. Expect efficient, short to mid-range passes from Brady, who got forgotten TE Rob “Party Bro-t” Gronkowski more involved last week. Can Cincinnati keep pace?
Enough of the trolling and on to the predictions!
Jack Crawford’s picks (11-7, 3-1 last week):
Steelers @ Dolphins
Michael Thompson’s picks (13-5, 2-2 last week):
Steelers @ Dolphins
It’s Miami! Salsa dancing for Antonio Brown and seafood buffets for Big Ben, as well as the preferred merchants of Leveon Bell on every street corner. I would expect the haze of ganja smoke in the locker room to be particularly thick and robust this week as the probable AFCN champs cha-cha their way through another offensive explosion against an uninspiring opponent in the Dolphins.
Steelers 37, Dolphins 17
Ravens @ Giants
After being burned by the Ravens two weeks in a row, I’ve settled into acceptance that they just aren’t a very good football team. Firing their offensive coordinator after last week’s woe bolsters that notion. The Giants are not particularly good either, so as always, there is no obvious choice in the Ravens game of the week. I will go with the Giants, simply because they are at home and because the Ravens seem particularly offensively challenged at this point in time.
Ravens 14, Giants 21
Bengals @ Patriots
His name is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, commander of the Patriots of New England, loyal servant of the true emperor Bill Belichick, enemy to the Pretender Roger Goodell, father of a murdered son, husband of a murdered wife, avenger of deflated footballs, and he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.
Bengals 17, Patriots 34
Browns @ Titans
The push for 0-16 enters its 6th week as Browns quarterbacks continue to call in sick to work, presumably because they want to stay home and watch the Tribe in the ALCS. The Titans look to even their record at 3-3, which will probably make it the latest they have been at .500 or better this late in the season in some time. (Probably, as I said… this is just pure speculation.) At any rate, this is the last team that really sucks on the Browns’ schedule, so from here on out, any win they’ll get will have to be of the flukey, completely unexpected variety.
Browns 10, Titans 38
Paul Johansson’s picks (10-8, 3-1 last week):
Steelers @ Dolphins
A red-hot Steelers offense is heading to Miami, with Big Ben throwing for 680 yards and nine touchdowns over the past two games. Unfortunately for the Dolphins, their 16th ranked pass defense may have taken another hit with safety Reshad Jones nursing a groin. They are already down a starting corner. Maybe their league worst run D can shoulder the load against Le’Veon Bell and DeAngelo Williams… or maybe of the worst offenses in the NFL, can move the ball at will against a confidence gaining Steelers defense. Yes, Miami has a million to one shot in this one. So you are saying there is a chance? That chance would be Mario Williams and Ndamukong Suh making Big Ben run for his life, but they have looked old, slow, and disinterested thus far in 2016.
Steelers 37, Dolphins 10
The last time the Ravens fired an uninspiring offensive coordinator during the season they won the Super Bowl and averaged 30+ points per game. Unfortunately that was after the first game where they laid an egg on the road after trying to cram a new system in their brains in less than a week. They better figure it out quickly because they were expected to be 5-2 or 6-1 after their first seven games heading into an extremely tough second half schedule. They have already lost two “easy games”, and will likely be favored in just two, maybe three games for the remainder of the year. The 20th ranked Giants pass D is sadly the best they have faced in three weeks. Despite these challenges, somehow they squeak this one out because they sound motivated, and because I’m a homer.
Ravens 19, Giants 16
It will be more of the same for the Patriots and for the Bengals this week, as Brady returns home to show off in front of the home fans, and the Bengals offense returns with the same group that was blanked for over three quarters by a statistically below average Cowboys D. In my opinion, the Bengals only shot is for Mr. Burfict, Mr. Jones, and company to go old-school and teeter on the physical and legal edge to try and rattle Brady, which historically has been the best way to stop Belichick’s precise passing attack. The Delinquent Duo have yet to strike fear in their opponents this year, so my expectations are sadly low.
Bengals 17, Patriots 34
The Browns go to 0-6 unless Josh McCown gets the start AND is healthy. They also need a healthy dose of Terrelle Pryor who may be able to confuse the Titan’s defense as he darts in and out of 5 different offensive positions. Even then, the injury-riddled Browns will have a tough time beating the Titans, who will use the league’s #2 running attack to set up their exciting dink and dunk passing game.
Browns 24, Titans 27
Wernicke Korsakoff’s picks (11-7, 3-1 last week):
Steelers @ Dolphins
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