A Combine-d Overreaction
There’s no sense in talking about teams individually at this point because the most interesting thing that’s happened in that past week is rumors that a team might be interested in a player, or they might not be. With this in mind, I think I’ll follow the rest of the national media and tell you who is going to be the future of the league based solely on their ability to run and jump while dressed in overly tight pants.
Here’s what we know for sure after the weekend’s events in Indy:
Byron Jones is sure to be the first player to ever block an extra point by jumping and batting it out of the air just before it sails through the uprights. And he will also be the first player to ever leap over an entire offensive line like they were cars at a monster truck rally.
The two CBS from FSU will be as overvalued as any CB from FSU in the last decade. It’s been a while since the glory days of FSU rolling through the likes of Prime Time to T-Buck to Samari Rolle; I mean even Cro was a solid player. We were told a few years ago that Xavier Rhodes would return the glory, and he was consistently beaten his final year at FSU, then got to the NFL and sucked. This year we get a two-fer in PJ Williams and Ronald Darby. PJ has been touted as a great tackler, yet gets run over at every possible opportunity. He also sucks in coverage, but have no fear he looked good in shorts so he’ll probably be the first CB taken. Then there’s Darby. I remember his first ever game as a freshman when we were told that he was “the next great FSU CB”. He looked like he might live up to the hype, but as his career progressed; it looked as if he was being coached by the Pats’ DB’s coach. He did run the 2nd fastest 4o-yd dash of all the CBs, so he could very well become a Raider. Good luck to the poor fools who take these two in the first round.
Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota are both Quarterbacks. Jameis had a sore shoulder and decided to not throw on the first day, but he did throw on day two and it was determined that he does in fact have the ability to throw a football. Mariota showed that he too has that ability; he’s just not as good at it. Then there was the time these two gents spent running. Marcus is fast and Jameis is fat. Last but not least were the interviews; and here’s what info has leaked out in the days since. Chip Kelly was seen hastily getting up from under the table and wiping his chin when someone came in to tell him that his time with Marcus was up. The Eagles are now rumored to be willing to trade their entire draft in 2015 and 16 for the opportunity to take Mariota. Lovie Smith was heard asking Jameis how he’d like being the coach of the Bucs, when Jameis asked in return, “But you’re the coach, remember?” Lovie responded by saying, “So you never watched the Bears play huh?” The Saints also asked their head of college scouting Jeff Ireland to come in and interview Jameis. Witnesses have reported that Mr. Ireland brought a passed out, pretty girl in the room with him and just screamed, “You want to f*ck this wh*re, don’t you!?! Don’t you?!!?” for five minutes.
That’s all we learned, so if you want to find out if a certain player might actually be a good footballer, grab the tape of him playing football in college and make your assumptions off of that.