So….I missed you guys during Week 11. I’m still nursing a hangover from that Mexico city game. The Raiders won week 11 so let’s just move on to week 12.
Chargers vs. Texans: Remember two weeks ago when I said it was Reynolds on the Chargers playoff hopes?? Well the doctors just informed us that they found a faint heartbeat and their playoffs hopes are currently on life support. I’m also getting reports that the FBI are investingating the Texans starting QB in connection to a 72 million dollar Grand Larceny case. After throwing three pics (one great play by the Chargers, one poor throw on his part and one a hail mary at the end of the game). Not a single touchdown to be found. I guess the Chargers spent their bye week working on that God awful secondary (and that’s coming from a Raiders fan…). Joey Bosa looks like the real deal with yet another sack. They’ll get what looks to be their last chance to keep their playoff hopes alive this week as the face the red hot Buccaneers who are looking to win their 3rd game against the AFC West (couldn’t beat the Raiders though…).
Raiders vs. Panthers: Sweet mother of God. What a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve been calling this a trap game for weeks now. First there was the amazing TD catch from the second best WR out of the state of Alabama on this team, Seth Roberts. Then the Tay-Train ran one in. So the Raiders jumped out to an early 17-7 lead. Then, just as the half is ending, the Mack Truck snags a pick six. And now it’s 24-7. Halftime comes and the Raiders are rolling. Then Carr dislocates his pinky. 24-13. Three and out from The Bulletproof Backup. 24-19. Then, like Luke after his father cut off his hand, Carr emerged from the locker room with a black glove on his throwing hand (to cover up the mechanical hand they replaced it with) only to throw a pick. 24-25. Wait a minute. 24-32. But then, unlike his artistic counterpart, Carr pulled his power from the Dark Side. He used his anger to drive the team down the field. Throw an amazing touchdown and two point conversion. 32-32. But here come the panthers. 4th and 1. The Raiders defense is a joke at best. You have a 6’5″ quarterback. That means half of his body would get you the first down. You have a great running game. Punt. Hahahahaha. Thank you Jesus. Then Carr throws a deep pass to Crab and you knew the game was over. As they used to say in those old NCAA College Football games: The Raiders had the big M.O. Mo! Momentum. And Mack iced the game with a strip sack and fumble recovery. Which made him the first person since C-Wood in ’09 to force a fumble, recover a fumble, interception, sack and touchdown in one game. Next week we…er um…the Raiders face the Bills. Look, let’s just be honest. All of these are going to be trap games.
Broncos vs. Chiefs: Look. I’m gonna be real honest here. This was the game of the week. And I tuned in sunday night. Got through about one quarter of those god awful offenses and turned off the television to boo love or play madden or something. I’m not about to sit here and watch Justin Houston get 45 Sacks in a 3-6 game. After she went to sleep and I won another game on madden, I checked in just in time to see the game go to overtime. Are you KIDDING ME?!?! Overtime?! When did they score all these points? Of course overtime had no offense. Grrrreeeeaaatttt. Man I hope this game ends in a tie. That way both teams are a game and a half back. Ok. Tough choice. Do the Bronchos go for it and risk missing a kick or should they go for it or should they punt??? And, like a the 4th entry into the movie franchise that was FSU field goal kicking, the Broncos kicker missed: Wide Left. Then the Chiefs promptly march down field and…Oh my goodness are you kidding me?! For the second time this season on Sunday Night Football we have back to back missed field goals to end in a tie. Maybe this is just God’s way of telling us that NBC needs to fire Chris Collinsworth. Maybe it’s a sign from the Football Gods that we should just out and out get rid of kickers. Wait. What do you mean it’s good???? Oh my lord. That went through?! The Chiefs would win like that…..
See you bums next week.