Well I’ll be damned, the offseason in over and we’re just a few short weeks away from being hunkered down in our homes, fearing the coming winter and most of our teams’ eventual downfalls. But here there is a silver lining, no one has practiced yet, so everything is awesome for just a few short hours.
Let’s take a look at what’s to come (with some unofficial pre-pre-season record predictions):
The New York Jets. I guess I’ve already been caught in a lie. Yup, the Jets still suck. Not even the most deluded Jets fans are expecting anything out of this collection of stiffs. The Jets have no QB, no offensive line, no WRs, no LBs and a secondary that should be donated to MIT and their dark matter research. Completely healthy and with a little luck, this team can win 6 games. After injuries and “Jets Luck” they will be lucky to win three (two vs the Fins and one vs the Bills). But they will likely go 4-0 in the preseason just so we can get some great quotes for CK’s clipboard that read, “The Jets are looking great, I bet they surprise some people and push for a wildcard spot this year…”
As I see it right now: 3-13
The Buffalo Bills. Everything IS awesome in Buffalo. Shiny new HC, legendary QB Tyrod Taylor now has an elite receiving corps, with Sammy Watkins healthy (for at least a couple of hours) and some new rookie that the highly educated Bills Mafia believes will be the next Jerry Rice. Shady is ageless (although he really is pretty awesome, so I don’t like to knock him that much, as that usually comes back to bite me…) and will not suffer one bit from the additional workload that will be required of him now that Gilly has left for greener pastures. And the defense. Is there a better group in the league? Now that they have moved past that bag of suck that was Gillmore, the unit is free to showcase their true talents. The addition of a new HC is usually good for at least three wins, so things could get interesting…
As I see it right now: 6-10
The Miami Dolphins. The Fins made their once in a decade trip to the playoffs last year with their rookie HC and they return a squad that still features the Elite Ryan Tannehill at QB. As always, Dolphin fans are full of high hopes (and bath salts) and are predicting that the Fins can even push the mighty Patriots for divisional supremacy. In the immortal words of Keyshawn Johnson, “Come on man!!” IF this team stays completely healthy and no opposing coaches watch any tape on Gase’s offense from last year, the Fins could push the 10-11 win mark. But as we’ve seen in the past, opposing coaches (even the bad ones) do watch tape and no team stays completely healthy. The Fins are in for the sophomore slump at the HC spot and some under performance (they are the Dolphins after all).
As I see it right now: 7-9
The New England Patriots. The Pats are entering camp as the reigning Super Bowl Champs. They have no looming suspensions for their Quarterback (that we know about right now) and they’ve added significant talent on both sides of the ball. The secondary looks like a top tier unit, as does their D line. The LB corps has the depth of a splash pad (but nothing the see here…) and the offense is as loaded as we’ve seen in some time (even if it is being led by a geriatric 40 year old). The additions of Cooks, Gilly, Burkhead and even that TE from Indy make for some wet dreams in the beds of Pats fans, so you might see the prices on new sheets rise nationwide in the coming months. There’s already talk of an undefeated season in media circles up here (which is stupid, but hey no one wants to talk about the Sox), I however would prefer an 18-1 season that ends with a trophy…
As I see it right now: 14-2, home field and at least an appearance in the AFCCG (or as it will soon bo called, “The Brady/ Belichick Game”