Well I’ll be damned we sure saw the good, the bad and the ugly this weekend…It was like a flashback to the glory days and a look into the future all wrapped up in one. AFC East fans experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, so without further ado we start at the bottom.
Just six short days after effectively ending the Falcon’s season and being the darlings of the division, the New York Jets are right back where they started. On the bottom of a pile of manure that has been coated in pig vomit. That’s what you get described as when you lose to a winless team after September 30th. What’s that you say- The Steelers have yet to force a turnover this season? Don’t worry, Geno Smith will cure what ails you to the tune of two interceptions (one in the red zone). What a bum that guy is. On the plus side though, Stephen Hill actually caught a ball. Unfortunately Troy Polamalu (in my eyes one of the dirtiest hitters in the league, but he’s got cool hair so you’ll never hear anyone talk about that) ensured that he will never make another catch in traffic ever again.
I picked the Jets to finish something like 4-12 this year- looks like I was one win too high.
In second to last place this week we have the team who posted zeros across the board. I mean even Lauren is asking why Ryan is so quick on the trigger (I heard that she asked Miko if she could try some dark meat…). Lucky the Jets exist or the Fins would have had their first week on the bottom of the division.
Now things are starting to get a little more optimistic. The Bills finally found a QB who can play (again) and he got hurt (again). Also taking the Bengals to overtime is something that the Pats couldn’t do last week, so that means the Bill beat the Pats. So the Bills beat the Ravens who beat the Pats last year and have now taken the Bengals to overtime. When was the last time the Bills beat the Pats twice in one season? Sounds like the return of the K-Gun to me. Oh yeah, I think whenever someone does something that we consider to be ballsy, we should from now on call him a “Thad-Ass”.
Now for the unicorns and show ponies. Where’s the Beef? Your New England patriots have resumed their rightful spot on top of the division. I’m pretty sure this seals up the Division for the Pats and probably a Super Bowl title. The Patriots were dominant in the first half, shitty in the third quarter and just above average enough in the fourth to squeak out one of the most exciting wins we’ve seen in a number of years. Now, I know that many of the Foxboro “faithful” had already left the stadium when Brady threw that masterpiece of a pass into the outstretched hands of Kenbrell Thompkins, but to be fair they could have been real fans that were sick of stadium security scolding them for standing and cheering too loudly. Aqib Talib might just be the best corner in the league this season, Chandler Jones’ Pee Wee Herman sack dance is without a doubt the best in the league and Joe Vellano is the second coming of Vince. So sit back in awe and witness the majesty of these New England Patriots they are really the class of the league (well they’re at least the best professional sports team that calls Foxboro, MA home…).
P.S. if you’ve never had a slider on a fried mac & cheese “bun” you haven’t lived. If you are unwilling to try one, you might just be a Bills fan.