Preseason Final Overreactions
At long last the preseason is over and we are just a few short days away from the carnage counting for real. This week I am choosing to forgo the normal overreactions, because not many guys that played in the last game matter very much, and take all that I’ve learned throughout the offseason and present you with my overreaction predictions for the upcoming season. From worst to first, here we go:
Well for a spring that sprung with so much hope and optimism in the air, things have certainly turned sour for the Buffalo Bills. It all started when god decided that Kiko Alonso was too good for the league and struck his knee down in an effort to bring him down to mortal levels. Kiko was immediately ruled out for the entire season and the DOOM cloud started it decent over Orcahrd Park. Then training camp opened and the world learned what many of us FSU fans have known for too long- EJ Manuel does not progress. He was awesome in High School because he was already good enough to play in the NFL, too bad he’s the same guy he was at 18 just a little fatter. The Bills sealed their collective fate last week when they decided it would be a fine idea to play their 2014 and ‘15 first round picks in a meaningless game when he already was suffering from beat up ribs. Shockingly Sammy re-aggravated the injury and is now questionable for every game this season (also any man that goes by “Sammy” needs to have a testosterone injection). By December another season will have come and gone and the Bills will continue to be the model of constancy in the NFL, just not the consistency that you’d like- 6-10, leading to a new HC brought in by the new owner who will have to figure out what to do at QB with no first round pick.
Don’t slip on your way to the blow hole, the Fins are going to end up in second to last place this year. I actually like some of the moves the Fins have made over the last couple of years, but I just don’t see a team lead by a mannequin from Wal-Drug making too many waves in the league this year. Tannehill should see his game by game averages go up, too bad for him there is no way he plays 16 games behind that wall of Swiss that Dynamite Dawn has assembled to protect him (we all know every decision made in Miami goes through Dawn first). The defense will have its ups and downs, the front four are something special, but the linebackers leave a little to be desired (hence Dolphins fans trying to convince me that an undrafted guy from this year’s draft is currently the best OLB in all of football) and I have a sneaking suspicion that Miko’s tweets might be the highlight of the secondary. If Plastic Joe calls in sick for a few games the Fins will have a shot at the playoffs, but unfortunately I don’t see that happening, 8-8.
Next up we have what is widely considered (by the occupants of my brain) to be the biggest upset of the offseason, your New York Jets. Now the jets’ ownership was not successful in convincing their prized free agent to take another turn with the Jets, but even the lack of Fireman Ed leading the Long Island Neanderthals in a spelling bee will be enough to keep the Jets down. Rex is going to find a way to win games on defense and prove to the world that even though it’s an offensive game in a QB driven league, you can find a way to sneak into the playoffs without either. The Jet’s secondary is going to lose them at least two games and Eric Decker is going to learn the hard way the difference between Peyton Manning and Geno Smith. So, if Geno can somehow figure out how to not lose a couple games on his own the Jets will go 9-7 and tie-break their way into the opportunity to be Andy Dalton’s first playoff victory.
Last but certainly not least we have the only team in the division that actually matters (in the grand scheme of things)- the New England Patriots. Recent events have given a few fans and writers pause, thinking the Bill Belichick has finally gone crazy and might take to the sidelines this year in a tie dyed pair of over-alls and a hoodie that has not only the sleeves, but also the body cut off. But never fear; Bill has a plan. The Pats are a wagon and no team in the AFC East is going to slow them down. Yes, they may lose one game to the Jets (that’s the only team that makes sense seeing as the Pats aren’t losing week 1 and the Bills are the Bills), but they probably have the division title clinched up by December 7th and the real question is whether or not they can secure home field advantage throughout the playoffs. If they do, see you in Phoenix. They added Revis and even Chandler Jones looks like he might be good so the defense could be top 5(in points allowed), 13-3.
There you have it, once again we have one good team and three dogs in this division. We’re getting ever closer to games that count and the “Overreaction Prediction Special” stay tuned.