Keys to a Fin Victory this weekend
(a Pats fan perspective via a fin fan + a fin fan perspective via a seal clubber)…
Ok… I’m a point form, business, ppt, style writer… which is code for eloquent, proper writing is for poets and Michael Sam… so here it goes…
Pats Fans keys to a Fin victory:
There aren’t any. Pats reign supreme, have the greatest qb ever to play women’s football (or football as a reproductive women… whatever) and despite no SB championships (which the benchmark themselves on) in over a decade that’s still 4x better than the fin draught. It’s also important to note the first game of the season, which we won by 10 is basically the 5th preseason game and doesn’t count.
Well, maybe if gronk and brady both die of the aids they surly have but can’t agree on who gave to whom… actually forget it… Garageapollaopski at QB + Hooomohooglyboogli at TE can still get it done
Fin Fan keys to victory* (*My “avoid any OS, Luc, Genghis Khan backlash” disclaimer – as if above wasn’t enough – we’re obvious underdogs, playing a top 5 team, on the road with a plethora of injuries at key positions):
– our inconsistent pass rush must get to Mrs. Brady (preferably up the middle where he likes it, I mean doesn’t like it, I mean… whatever)… Please do this repeatedly with 4-5 down lineman and minimal blitzing. *if I see Cam Wake in coverage I will throw one of my kids at the TV (and tape it for Noss)
– our secondary (if recovered from ebola) has to win and tackle vs Pats’ average WRs (ya, ya, here come the stats about how good they are but they are “Chris Chambers minus Marino good”… sorry OS if you don’t understand this)… this may be the only match-up where we have an “advantage”
– take a shot or 5 deep pls… the kid has the arm, we’ve seen it, and “where’s waldo Wallace” may catch one. The “gee thanks Tom Brady for the exciting/really hard, 2-yard passing game” will only work so long, if at all vs. this secondary (which I’m pretty sure cheats)
– Pats’ pass rush doesn’t scare me, but our OL is struggling… someone like Rob Ninkovitch can’t have “one of those games”… he used to play for us you know… it’s amazing how fin cast offs like “where am I wes”, “who needs an alarm clock Gray” and others who have been sacrificed for blood have masked BBs horrible drafts
– Whatever we come up with at LB (maybe Bryan Cox is available… again, sorry 20 something’s), in combo with “Ireland’s herpes D. Jordon” and top 5 S (sometimes) R jones, have to keep Gronk from going completely nuts on us (not partying and bisexuality nuts, I mean on the field production)… NOTE: I’m not confident we can pull this off
– Above all else, and in parallel with Gronk note above in terms of importance and concern, keep them under 150 yards rushing pls… NOTE: equally pessimistic we can get this done
Sadly, I think nearly all of this has to happen for us to have a chance. We’ve done it before, even within this calendar year, but again that was in the preseason and didn’t count. In any case, I’ll still watch and, despite Bob (who is the Fanbase) already knowing the outcome and making their fortunes in Vegas, I think the game will be played.
NOTE: the author of this article tried to maximize the use of humoUrous, coloUrful banter to engage, at a very behavioUral level, his diabetes laden brethren to the south… but not CK, I hate him…