Slick’s 2018 Wk2 Overreactions

Slick’s 2018 Wk2 Overreactions
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is all I can say about the 2018 AFC East. Week two showed us everything we expected from this foursome of terrible football teams. Lucky for us, we had one interdivisional game, so we didn’t go winless. Let’s get right to it…
In last place, The Bills. I’d like to make a different choice here, but the Bills are just soooo bad. They got to face the San Diego Chargers of Los Angeles this week and were summarily embarrassed in JP Allen’s NFL debut. The game was over in the first quarter, when the Chargers took a 14-0 lead. It appears that the Pegulas have decided to “rebuild” the Bills in the same fashion they’ve done it with the Sabres. That is, get close, then rip it down to the studs, wash, rinse repeat. Don’t worry Bills fans, Terry and Kim are in the fracking business, they’re bound to be killed in a gas explosion sooner or later…otherwise, well you’ve already endured one of the longest playoff droughts in history, you can do it again.
In second to last place, the team that I really wanted to put in last, the Pats. What a joke this Patriots team is. You’d think that with all the time they took off over the summer, they would have been rested for the Florida heat, but alas they were not. It took all of half a quarter to see how this game would end, with Tom Brady yelling at people to “do their jobs” on the sideline (ironic to hear that from a guy that skipped the offseason program to go on vacation…). The “defensive genius” Bill Belichick hasn’t built a truly functional defense in over a decade and now he’s butthurt that people don’t respect him. Yeah well fuck you Bill, and fuck you too Tom. You guys are great at what you do, but without each other you are just like everyone else. I don’t even know what to say about the actual game…The new savior at WR, that all the beat guys and Pats’ homers were jerking off all summer literally tackled himself four yards behind the line of scrimmage on a key third down. Yup, that about sums it up. This team is so desperate for anyone who might be able to catch a pass, that they just got Josh Gordon. A guy who has played 5 games in the last 4 years and has been a part of exactly 1 win in his 5 year NFL career…Yeah, that’ll fix everything.
In third to last, the Jets. Poor Anakin is facing his first adversity, but at least he’s very aware of it. The Chosen One completed a lot of passes for a fair amount of yards. But threw twice as many interceptions as TDs…Interesting what playing a defense that is not coached by Matt Patricia does to your production. Isiah Crowell reverted back into Isiah Crowell, a guy that has all the talent tin the world, but just vanishes for weeks at time. Let’s talk about defense…The “young and hungry” Jets defense allowed Ryan Freaking Tannehill to complete nearly 75% of his passes and dink and dunk his way up and down the field all day. He even averaged over 5 yards per carry…Oh yeah, the Jets will be great this year…
And now for the “winner”…
The aforementioned Dolphins beat the Jets…It counts as a win, so they get first place (in both these and the NFL standings). Now, I’m sure we’ll hear how it’s a travesty that the Fins are 2-0 and yet still ranked below the Pats in the power rankings, but let’s face it, they’ve not really faced any competition. But let’s talk about the good, “Wheels” Tannehill racked up just over 200 total yards, about 5 yards at a time. It was a savvy strategy though, boring Sleepy Todd into a nap, thus leaving young Skywalker with no guidance to harness his great awareness. While there really was nothing to speak of from the offense, the defense performed admirably. They were able to fight against the Jedi mind tricks Skywalker threw at them and somehow made him look like a mere mortal. For this, they should be awarded an extra win…
That’s all I got, hopefully next week doesn’t suck so bad.

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