Well, well, well, another week of the 2016 NFL season has come and gone. The AFC East performed admirably, outside of the Bills, and many of us got to see exactly what we wanted this week. Without further ado, let’s get right after it.
The big (and only) loser of the week was our old friends the Buffalo Bills. The Bills got the pleasure of playing the Steelers at home in a snowstorm. Everything looked pretty good for our friends by the Falls heading into the game. The offense was healthy and Rex was coaching for his job (per news reports). All in all you’d think that would be a formula that could result in a good performance from the team. That didn’t happen. The Bills found themselves down 21-7 pretty quickly and were routinely gashed by Mr. Bell. The defense played so poorly that I’m surprised the new offensive coordinator still has a job today…On the plus side, Tyrod had one of his best passing games of the season, throwing for 225 yards. But with some good comes a lot of bad and that was the running game. Against one of the league’s most porous run defenses, one of the league’s best rushing attacks managed a meager 67 yards. Now that’s special. So special in fact that the news on Monday was Rex would not survive the day, but he is still employed so at least Bills fans can rest assured that their incredibly talented team will finish a Jeff Fisher-esque 7-9.
Now, on to the winners. And that’s a good thing.
Stop the presses! The Jets won a game. It’s funny, because losing would have been better for the Jets, but they can’t even suck properly…The Jets found themselves down by 14 points very quickly to the Kaep-led 49ers. But led by future sensation Bryce Petty, the Jets refused to quit and improve their draft position. Bilal Powell had his best game of the season (and possibly his career), rushing for 145 yards and 2 TDs. The aforementioned Petty played pretty well, facing one of the league’s worst defenses is a god spot for a young fella trying to make his bones in the league, he threw for 257 yards and one pick (Fitz replied to that, “pfft…only one pick? You suck.). The defense of the Jets did their best to improve the draft position, in hopes of adding another “elite” defensive tackle to replace one of dissidents that populate their front seven right now. They allowed Carlos “I’m Even Let My Mom Down” Hyde to rush for nearly 200 yards and even allowed Kaep to be fairly efficient. The Jets won the game, and a win is a win and may have even saved Sleepy Todd’s job; ensuring at least one more bad season for Gang Green.
Now we get to second place, the Miami Dolphins. When I finally got the chance to flip over to the Fins’ game on TV I thought that Gase had finally done the smart thing and benched star WR Ryan Tannehill, because Matt Moore and his sweet porn stache was on the field leading the Fish through a driving rainstorm to set up the game winning field goal. Now as it runs out, Tanny was not benched, he merely shredded his knee and has to take a few weeks off (more than likely a few months because the Fins’ playoff hopes are slim). Mr. Moore performed admirably and even though the Fins’ backup running back (I’m not interested in his name) tried his very best to throw the game in the waning seconds, the Fins drove down the field against a team from the desert that had no interest at all in playing in the rain (I remember the last time they came to Foxboro and played in a snowstorm, they refused to even get off the bus and lost like 49-7) and kicked a chip shot FG to win. Now Fin fans will no doubt be outraged that I stated their playoff hopes are slim. Currently their record does put them in decent position to make the dance, but the news that their best offensive lineman (and gun runner) is out for the season, does not spell good news. Sorry Fins, almost there.
And now first place. Big surprise here, it’s the Pats. Tom Brady led his team to his NFL record 202nd victory as a starting QB (and tied the most ever December wins in the process) against the hated Baltimore Ravens. This game was billed as “The last real test” for the Pats before the playoffs; and I would have to say that they passed with flying colors. The defense was as dominant (I still use the term loosely) as I’ve seen them all year, harassing Joe Flacco’s uni-brow all night. If not for Ed Hochuli being dumb they would have even forced two turnovers (they did get one). Of course we have to talk about Cyrus Jones being hands down the stupidest, dumb fuck I’ve ever seen. I mean really, fuck that guy. Without him this game could have easily been a complete blowout. On offense, the Pats were very good. Brady torched the league’s #1 defense for over 400 yards passing and 3 TDs. He did have his usual brain fart against the Ravens and threw a terrible interception in the end zone, but that only made him angry…Chris Hogan had definitely his best game as a Patriot (not reporting as eligible) by putting a dagger in the hearts of the Ravens with a 79 yard game clinching TD. One more test for the Pats in a “Hat and T-Shirt” game this week and the Pats could be rolling to yet another Super Bowl appearance.