What a weekend. This is the week where we see what teams are made of and who’s got the stuff to make hay in the playoffs and push towards the Super Bowl. Unfortunately for the AFC East, none of our teams has what it takes (sorry Fins). Let’s get this party started:
On the plus side, Geno Smith is no longer the worst NFL QB in New Jersey (credit Archer for correcting me when I said NY…). On the negative side, the Jets stink. This game was not as close as the score would make you think. Geno was Geno, he threw two TD passes on Sunday, unfortunately one of them was to the other team (as is normal). The defense was stellar forcing Carolina to punt twice (yes twice!), but never fear they are great at forcing turnovers- oh wait, they didn’t get any. Oh well, last week was a nice break for the forlorn Jet fans that have stuck with this rancid franchise for their entire lives, but yesterday was a harsh dose of reality, winter is here so the Jets are getting ready for golf in Florida.
Now we move on to the Patriots. Good job, good effort! (I mean they were in Miami, so I think we can borrow that kid for a couple of hours.) The Pats NEVER lose hat and t-shirt games. I believe that Bill Belichick is still groping around in the nether regions of his ass hole looking for a win, unfortunately the Dolphins wanted to reward the nearly four dozen people that showed up to SunLife Stadium so they removed the win, cleaned it and claimed it as their own. Personally, I started to get an uneasy feeling once the defense collectively soiled themselves late in the first half. And for that last drive they gave up to the Fins at the end- when it was 3rd and 17 or so at the 35(ish) I turned to my friend and said, “Just keep them short of the 45 and we’ve got this.” Unfortunately they allowed the Tan Man to complete a pass right at the 45.5 yard line, just close enough for Smooth Joe to go for it on fourth down (a play that should have been blown up in the backfield, but Pats defenders don’t tackle, they just expect offensive players to just go down in fear). Additionally, Josh McDaniels was as infuriating as ever, refusing to give the ball to a running back who to that point in the drive had been averaging about 6 to 8 yards per carry, the ball on the two. Instead deciding it would be a great idea to throw a swing pass to the guy that the Fins clearly had decided was not going to beat them. F-you Josh, go outside and bite the curb, I’ll be out shortly. So long story short, the Patriots will make the playoffs, because everyone else in the AFC is too inept to prevent it, but they aren’t winning a game. There really is nothing like losing playoff games at home, kind of brings you together.
The Bills. Now that was one epic pillow fight played in front of a crowd that would make even the Dolphins blush. I don’t even think that wildly metrosexual kid that came up with “Jaguaring” even showed up. EJ showed the kind of heart that we’ve come to know from him, playing extra sloppy in the first half only to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat over a truly superior team. Grit and Balls have replaced hope and optimism in the hearts of Upstaters throughout the region. I even had a meeting with one of my clients from Rochester today and he had nothing but great things to say about the Bills- you know thinks like, “They can’t even get a good draft pick they suck so bad.” In all seriousness, good job Bills, I didn’t watch a second of this game so that’s all I’ve got.
Last, but certainly not least, who’s that I see strutting down the Orange carpet? Why it’s Smooth Joe Philbin and the Miami Dolphins. The Fins clearly showed why they are the class of the AFC East. Maybe it was the fine work of their long snapper on that beautiful attempt in the first half, or even the way LM.00003K carved up the Pats defense to the tune of 61 yards. No, I think it was just Ryan the Great showing why the natives took it upon themselves to rebuild the golden statue in the Black Hills. What a showing, he may have been hit so hard his eye black came off, but he showed the poise and determination that we’ve come to expect from post-Marino Dolphins QBs. As a Pats fan, I will say this, the Fins played well and deserved that win. The Fins have a real shot at making the playoffs in the down AFC, so maybe, just maybe we’ll get to see a rematch of this game in the playoffs (where as I predicted above the Fins win again). Also, it was nice to see the refs leave their flags in their pockets at the end- win or lose I hate it when the refs affect the outcome of a game.
In a true stunner, Jameis Winston ran away with the Heisman trophy on Saturday night and now has a solid opportunity to take home the crystal football and add to his burgeoning trophy case. Go ‘Noles!!!!