Training camp Way Too Early Overreactions
Thank goodness, training camp has arrived and the real silly season is upon us. Gone are the days when we can speculate as to what our favorite players will look like this season, for the helmets and shoulder pads have come out of hibernation and we get to see how these guys look on the practice field at half speed. That’s certainly enough to make some season long projections.
Let’s keep with tradition and start at the bottom.
The Jets have made some big offseason additions to bolster their roster and probably the biggest news of Jets camp came from an already suspended player, but let’s stick to what’s happened on the field. Geno Smith is improving. He’s now only throwing interceptions during 7 on 7 work (you know, when he’s got all the time and space in the world to work with), true he still has a severe case of fumblitis (maybe some Jets’ locker room guys need to get better at preparing the footballs…), but that’s neither here nor there. It can also not be undertated how much of a disappointment that new secondary has been; Revis, Cro and Co (patent pending) have allowed Geno to shred them thus far in camp and any time you have to say the Geno Smith has shredded you, that’s bad. Maybe Revis should have spent less time rolling around in $100 bills and more time working on his craft (you can’t fault Cro, with all those kids, there is no time for work). The Jets’ prized rookie WR Devin “The Quitter” Smith is already hurt and probably out for at least week 1, so you can pretty much count his career over. We haven’t heard from any of Brandon Marshall’s personalities thus far and that can’t be good for anyone- generally when crazy people go quiet it doesn’t end well for the rest of us…
Early outlook on the season- the Jets will be improved under new head coach Todd Bowles right now I’ll say 7-9.
Next we find the Miami Marine Mammals. Things look great right now, with no actual games to manage; Joe Philbin gets to show off the flashy new toys that Mr. Ross bought for him this offseason. True Lauren’s Husband is throwing a lot of interceptions, but it’s not his fault. On the plus side, new defensive tackle “Sumo Stomp” Suh has been wreaking havoc on the Dolphins’ rice paper offensive line and the secondary is flying around. The Fins’ highly coveted draft picks, eh not so much…DeVante Parker has undergone foot surgery, therefore has been unable to practice and Joe Philbin has no idea when he might return; according to Fin fans this is no big deal though it’s not like receivers need feet to be successful and as for a rookie needing time to adjust to a QB and offensive system, that’s a myth, like global warming…
Things look great for the Fins, not factoring in the head coach’s masterful in game management I can easily see the Fins going 8-8.
Ah Buffalo…The city the time forgot…this is the year (and if not this year, then definitely next)! The Bills look spectacular this summer. Mario Williams is having his way with the young offensive lineman and the defense looks downright nasty. This is the team the led the league in sacks last year and don’t expect any sort of let down now that Rexy is in charge. The secondary will be left out on islands a lot more this year and none of them are really great man to man cover guys, but when the front seven s converging on the opposing QB in less than half a second, you could even have Ronald Darby out there covering guys and be OK. The hype coming out of Bills camp is deafening, fans and media members alike have got wild dreams of sugar plums and playoff wins dancing in their heads when looking at this defense. Then they roll over and see the other participant in their sick foot fetish three-some- the offense. Shady McCoy is good and he should do well for the first couple of weeks, but once he hit 400 carries in four games, the QB of the Bills (and we still have no idea who that might be) will have to throw the ball. And that’s where the wheels come off the circled wagon.
The Bills will make some strides this year with a head coach that is at least competent on one side of the ball, the defense will carry them all the way to 10-6.
And to the defending champs. The Pats have run roughshod through this division for a decade and a half and are coming off of a Super Bowl Championship. But not so fast my friend, Tom Brady is out for a quarter of the season and that will certainly have little to no effect on their final record! The Galloping Chicken has tiny hands and this should no doubt doom the Pats, but the man that some Pats fans have dubbed “Jimmy Gameday” have informed me that practice matters very little for Jimmy, it’s on gameday that he shines. It’s also been proven that Super Bowl hero Malcolm Butler is the greatest corner to ever suit up in an NFL uniform and every team not called the Patriots is dumb for not drafting him the 1st round. Once again Bill Belichick has fleeced the league and the competition committee needs to change the rules in order to prevent him from using black magic to hide all-time great players from the other teams. So that fixes the secondary. As for the offense, come on, they are the greatest offense ever according to Pats fans, so you can expect them to average about 100 pts per game this year.
Early prediction: Belichick and Brady are going to go wild on the league for the Kangaroo court that the NFL has forced them to endure. 16-0