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AFCE Slicks’ Week 9 Overreactions

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Luciano 11

AFCE Slicks’ Week 9 Overreactions
Luciano 11
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Well there you have it, we had an inter-division skirmish and now one of our teams has officially expired and one has all but locked up the division (yes, it’s a lock the Pats have a three game lead in the division with a head to head tie breaker over all of the other teams). Let’s get right to it:

 

In last place we find the rotting, bloated corpse of the Miami Dolphins. Dan Campbell came to town a few weeks back riding atop a genetically modified, killer Bottlenose adorned with the finest armaments that the Cuban military could provide. Unfortunately, like most genetically modified beasts, the process was short lived and the beast of burden has died. When Rex Ryan and company take you out to the woodshed twice in a six week span, you truly do suck. Brent Grimes has officially given up and has his mind on what radio station will give his ghetto trash wife a minimum wage gig doing overnights and hoping that it is within 100 miles of a CFL city so he can keep playing football. Ryan Tannehill is obviously taking what people call the “Dan Campbell Approach” to expanding his mind and has been beating his head against a wall in an effort to have his brain swell and in turn have more room for learnin’. To the game, the Fins were outplayed for most of it, never holding a lead and clinging to a “the ref’s screwed us” excuse as the reason for their terrible play. On the plus side, Lamar Miller is at least a viable fantasy option.

 

And that does it for the week’s losers (kind of)…

 

Second to last place is a tough decision this week, but we’re going to go with the New York Jets…finishing within 10 points of the Jags is just plain unacceptable, and people think this is a playoff team…That’s either a horrible miscalculation by those so called “experts” (many of the same folks picked the Colts to win the Super Bowl, so…), or it is a horrible indictment on the league as a whole. The Jets kind of stink, there I said it. Their much talked about secondary allowed Blake Bortles to shred them for nearly 400 yards, they allowed two 100 yard receivers and over 100 total yards rushing. Coming off of an embarrassing performance in Oakland last week, most would expect a tougher performance out of the so called “#1 defense in the league”. Now the offense…Chris Ivory was an absolute beast, rushing for an unheard of 26 yards on 23 carries (that’s 1.13 yds per carry if you’re counting at home) an Fitz threw for a serviceable 272. NOT A PLAYOFF TEAM.

 

In third to last we find the Buffalo Bills. The Bills were able to stave off complete extinction for another week by having the good fortune of the Dolphins being their scheduled opponent. The Bills did what you do when the Dolphins came to town, they beat the shit out of the. Finally there was a coach on the opposing sideline that could not match wits with Rex and that was abundantly clear as the Bills cruised to a 9 point first quarter advantage and never looked back. If only the Bills could play the Dolphins 16 times per season, then they might finally be able to break that pesky no playoffs streak that hangs over the Buffalo region like the stink of a man’s finger after a game at the Ralph with his special lady…There are some bright spots on the Bills though, Karlos Williams, a player who I personally thought would just be another guy in the NFL, now has scored at least one touchdown in every NFL game in which he’s participated. And then there’s Tyrod Taylor, he’s not the best QB in the league, but might well be the best QB in the division not named Tom Brady (or Jimmy Garroppolo). Good times Bills fans, but still, NOT A PLAYOFF TEAM.

 

And in first place, to no one’s surprise, we find the 8-0 New England Patriots. It’s nice when your team is so good that you can treat a November regular season game as a glorified scrimmage to work on a couple of things. The Pats had a sloppy practice on Sunday afternoon, Tom Brady missed on some throws and threw a bad interception, Julian Edelman fumbled the ball away and some normally sure handed players dropped some easy catches, but the Pats were still up 27-3 late in the fourth quarter…The practice was not without some loss though, future hall of fame running back Dion Lewis suffered a season ending knee injury when he tried to make a cut and Sebastian Vollmer was knocked out with a concussion (or upper head injury as I hear the Pats are classifying it), but lucky for the Pats, their offensive line seems to be impenetrable no matter if they do have to put a center who is playing his first game of the season at left tackle and legendary third down running backs seem to grow on trees around here. Yes, the loss of Dion Lewis mean that we all probably see less of the Pats just handing the ball off on 3rd and 17 and easily picking up the 1st down, but they’re still LOCKS to win the division and favorites to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl.

 

Bonus: Jimbo Fisher is a boob and having the ball 1st and goal from the 9 with a chance to start applying pressure to the throats of the #1 team in the country and NOT giving the ball to arguably the best player in the country even once in a fire-able offense. Clemson did their best to choke tat game away, but Jimbo’s refusal to have a competent QB and Bud Kilmer-esque refusal to give the ball to his star running back inside the 20 just cost the ‘Noles the ACC Championship.

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