Hmmm…That was a little weird…All four teams played in three separate contests this week. Three winners, one l-o-s-e-r. It looks like this division is what we thought it was, kind of…
In last place, the Buffalo Bills. Once upon a time, the Bills were 5-2 and the upstart darlings of the NFL. After embarrassing themselves at home against the hated Patriots this weekend, they are well on their way to another all too common 6-10 finish. I mean, I joked about it happening again, but I don’t think even CK would have predicted it could really happen again. To the game, this game was a microcosm of most Bills’ season in recent memory. They came out fighting, Tyrod gets hurt on the first play an is severely limited – that first INT was 100% due to him not being able to run. Then they die by a thousand paper cuts. Next thing you know, it doesn’t even resemble a good game. Poor Bills, well with Peterman (or whatever QB you get in the 1st) there will at least be hope…And hey, the Chiefs are imploding and will likely give you a pretty decent pick to package with your own to move up for an overrated QB.
On to the winners.
Tough call on this one…So I’ll put the Dolphins in third place. The Fins beat the Broncos. Good god; remember when the Bills beat the Broncos and everyone thought it was a great win? Not so much anymore. The Fins defense was all over Trevor Semen all day. It was like there was a free cheeseburger giveaway at Lucky Suh’s…And Jay Cutler was first in line…Smokin’ Jay was his normal middling self and the Fins did what they needed to do in order to not have a good draft pick and ensure that Adam Gase is employed to drive them to new and unheard-of depths of suckitude next year. “But Gase knows Cutler AND he’s a QB whisperer…The Fins will definitely make the playoffs.” This is a question for Dolphin fans. How stupid does that sentence sound now? Gase is over his head, the team is a bunch of dirty scumbags with Suh and Cutler at the helm. Just burn it down.
In second place, the Jets. The Jets continue to surprise people by winning games and hurting their draft position. But hey, #12 is a great place to get another safety. Al in all though, the Jets’ game was very entertaining. It was a back and forth shootout that neither team looked like they wanted to win. Unfortunately for the Jets though, Marcus Peters held the trump card in the battle of jack-assery and ejected himself from the game. Let’s talk about the positives on the Jets though. No matter what adversity was thrown at our slow cousins from New Jersey, they had an answer. Robbie Anderson, whom we all laughed at earlier this year, has become an actual, high functioning NFL WR. He’s also already a bit of a diva, so we’ll see how long he lasts. Lastly, let’s test Josh McCown for illegal anti-aging drugs.
First place. Pats. Yup, they are good. The defense just keeps getting better and has now not given up more than 17 points in 8 weeks. The mobility of Tyrod was supposed to be a test for the Pats, well they broke his knee on play 1, but all in all they passed the test. Dion Lewis is a stud and obviously BB is a racist because he’s letting Burkhead vulture all the TDs, but next week Dion will just score from 20+ so as to take the decision out of the racists’ hands. And lastly sure we’ll talk about Gronk. I love how a group of drunken idiots, who are widely considered the most debaucherous group in America and regularly light themselves on fire to body slam tables, could get upset with their native son expertly demonstrating the proper procedure for power bombing a drunk compatriot. But he got his one game and will be nice and rested for the Steelers.