Ahh, it’s playoff time. The time of year when Pats fans get to laugh at the other fans of the AFC East as they prepare for the annual Tomato Can to come to Foxboro for the Divisional round. Oh, wait…
Last place: The Miami Dolphins. Sorry Fin fans, you know how much I would prefer to put the jets in last place, but when you set out in a season to tank and not win a game so you get the #1 pick and you end up drafting #5, you are the worst. The only thing the Dolphins accomplished this year is to create a weird three headed QB controversy between and Elderly Fitz, Josh Rosen and whoever they draft at #5. The only good thing that happened for the Fins is Tua breaking his hip like a 90 year old woman, making it possible for them to draft him at #5 and set their rebuild back 4 years.
Second to last place: The Jets. Hey good news! The Jets finished the year with a slightly less terrible record than they have in recent years. I know, Jet fans will tell you that the future is bright for them, but they say this every year, so we’ll just have to see what the future holds. All you can say about the Jets this year is that they are the only team to lose the Bengals and the Dolphins. To be honest, I must give them some respect, that’s no easy trick to turn. You have to have a special breed of suck to do that.
Second place: The Pats. What a disaster the end of this season was. I remember when the Pats were beating up on the shittiest shit in the league and I was telling people that they looked like frauds. I was shouted down and told that my standards are too high. Well, once again, Vinny is proven right. The Pats were frauds who beat up on total garbage, then when faced with actual NFL competition in the second half of the season, they had the same record as the Miami Dolphins, who were trying to lose every game. They were embarrassed by said Miami Dolphins in week 17, forcing them to play a game on wild card weekend for the first time in a decade. Heading into the game against the Titians, nearly everyone was in agreement that the Pats were cooked for the season, but they would certainly win this one game at home. While I predicted that the Pats would lose by about a TD, I was of course shouted down as a “hater”. The Pats lost (while I admit that it was really just a one point game). Mike Vrabel essentially pantsed Bill Belichick for the second time in a row. The vaunted Boogie Wipes defense was gashed by the run (as they have been most of the year) and now they can all go and get their big contracts in other places and fade into obscurity. Tom Brady was fine in this game, but he needed to be special. So now he will move on to Miami or Cleveland and collect giant checks while opening new TB12 clinics the world over.
First Place: The Bills. The Bills had themselves a pretty darn good year. Just think if they had a QB with a brain between his ears, they’d likely still be playing and favorites to reach the Super Bowl (they certainly would have been division champs). But they don’t so they lost due to a combination of ridiculously stupid decisions by both the Head Coach and the Quarterback. I mean Josh Allen literally looked like he was having a stroke or something with the way he was acting in the second half of that game. Also, shoddy catching, ball security and tackling led to the perfect bookend on the season. So now we’re on to another offseason full of hope and optimism for the Bills and their fans. I’ve heard Josh Allen is a stud in the 4th quarter, since he led 4thquarter comebacks against the league’s elite teams: The Jets, Bengals, Dolphins and Steelers (who were on their 47th QB, which has nothing to do with Allen, but the Steelers suck anyway), so they have that to look forward to. Josh’s great season looks to have been just enough to screw the Bills Jared Goff style.
On to the Offseason, should be fun for everyone that’s not a Pats fan.
I apologize, Slick sent this in, but I didn’t see it. Sorry for the delay, and thank you Slick!…….Luciano