Older AFCE

Slick’s Week 4 Overreactions: 16-0 is real, but not the way we thought

Slick’s Week 4 Overreactions: 16-0 is real, but not the way we thought
class="post-date-wrap left relative post-date-mob">

Hey hey, another week has passed and like normal, three of our teams lost and one won. But at least we got a little twist this week. Without further ado, let’s roll…
 
Last place was a tough call this week; but I always say when in doubt, go with what feels right. So in last place, we find the New York Jets. I mean, their opponent was a west coast team, flying east for a 1PM game and who’s QB has not only a high ankle sprain on one leg, but a strained MCL on the other. And the great defense that we hear about all the time from Jet fans looked like Wal-Mart brand Swiss cheese. I mean CJ Spiller torched them. Let me say that again, CJ Spiller, a guy who was unemployed a week ago, torched them. Yeah, this team isn’t going to win more than 6 games. And how do I know this? Two words: Ryan Fitzpatrick. What a bearded bag of suck that guy is. You know, most guys who go out and throw six picks in a game would maybe work a little harder during the week to ensure that he didn’t suck donkey balls in the next game. Well, Ryan Suckspatrick is no ordinary man. All that can be said is that he didn’t throw six picks. On the plus side, Brandon Marshall seems to have leveled out the meds and was heard saying that he is, “Going down on the boat with Ryan Fitzpatrick.” That boat has more design flaws than the Titanic.
 
And once again I say do what feels right, so tied in last place we find the Miami Manatees. The Fins opened up the NFL week on Thursday night on national television, and wholly embarrassed the entire NFL. Yup, the Fins are probably the only team in the world that can make Andy Dalton look good in prime time. And really, if Jeremy Hill and company could walk and chew gum at the same time the score would have been somewhere in the realm of 45-6. There are several schools of thought as to what’s wrong with the Dolphins, I mean they signed a bunch more high priced free agents, cut ties with Miko and even hired the man called “The Quarterback Whisperer” as a head coach. My thoughts on the matter are really quite simple, Tanny needs a hearing aid. You know he just can’t hear the whispers. What else is wrong you may ask? Well the owner is a boob and the GM came from the Jets.
 
And once again, do what feels right. So the third team tied for last place is the New England Patriots. Are you freaking kidding me with that game? I get that their 2nd string QB tapped out like a pussy shortly before game time and they were forced to once again start a high school caliber QB who bears a striking resemblance to one EJ Manuel, but what the fuck? The Pats started their awesome day by having their new star kick returner damn near down the ball on the two and barley manage to make it to the nine. On the very first play from scrimmage, Julien Edelman took a screen pass 90 yards to the 1. But Chris Hogan committed a horrible penalty that negated the play. And that was all the electricity we saw out of the Pats all day. I certainly understand that Bill, Josh and company had it in their minds that the Bills would shit themselves and lose the game, but when it became apparent that the Bills had remembered their depends and Midol, the Pats probably should have made some adjustments. So yes, the offense sucked but this so called great defense the Pats have (ranked somewhere around 20th in the league) was a new level of suck. When can we take Matt Patricia out back and give him the Old Yeller treatment? I hate that fat, bearded piece of shit more than I hate most people. I mean how many times to do you have to see Robert Woods run a 5 yard slant to move your corner closer than 12 yards off the ball. And while we’re on the subject of shitty corners, fuck Logan Ryan with a rust railroad tie. Don’t even get me started on the “best LB duo in the League” Jamie Collins and Dante Hightower. Maybe some tackling drills for those clowns?
 
Let’s put all of that unpleasantness behind us and talk about the only team in the division that didn’t make me want to vomit; the Buffalo Bills.
Who would have thought that the Bills would have rolled into Foxboro and not only did they not soil themselves, but they thoroughly dominated the team that has treated them like a little brother for a decade and a half. Tyrod Taylor and the rest of the offense was nearly unstoppable. For the first time that I can remember, Tyrod threw more than 30 passes and not only did he not turn the ball over, but he wasn’t even close. Shady McCoy ran like it was 2012 and Robert Woods played like he was back at USC taking advantage of the kids from the Santa Barbra School for the Deaf and Blind (although Logan Ryan may be an alumni). I mean who no one in their right mind could have foreseen this performance by the Bills’ offense. Good news Bills fans, a win like this pretty much ensures that Rex and Rob will be around for years to come. Two weeks on top Bills fans, things haven’t been this good since about 15 seconds left in the ’91 Super Bowl.

More in Older AFCE

The Josh Allen Report: Week 4

Brian GrothOctober 6, 2020

Ranking the AFCE Offenses

Archer AllenMay 12, 2020

Slick’s 2019 Week 15 Overreactions

Brian GrothDecember 18, 2019

The Josh Allen Report

Brian GrothDecember 16, 2019

Tank it, to the Limit

finfan5357December 13, 2019

Not Much to be Tankful For

Chris ChambersDecember 6, 2019