Well I thought that with the Pats and Jets idle this week and the Fins and Bills playing the lowly Bucs and Steelers respectively, this would be a column filled with loud adulation and praise. Then Sunday happened, then Monday happened and we found out that this year in the AFC East it’s better to not play…
Here we go:
Well it’s been a tough two weeks for the Dolphins and things just seem to be getting worse. If you thought that having your starting right tackle storm out of the team cafeteria and basically quit the team because he has a vagina and can’t handle a little rookie hazing, then having your starting right guard suspended from the team for perpetrating said hazing was the bottom of the barrel- then you would be wrong. The winless Bucs welcomed the offseason champs to their MRSA infested pirate ship on Warren Sapp night and proved to the world that they are so bad; they can’t even tank a season properly. Unfortunately for Fin fans, the Fins looked awful from the word go and dug themselves a nice hole in the first half that try as they might they couldn’t drag themselves out of it. By game’s end Matt Millen was popping champagne celebrating the fact that he will stand alone for at least one more year as the only GM in history to build an 0-16 juggernaut. The On the plus side, the offensive line seems to be playing better, only allowing “Ryan the Great” to be sacked twice which gives hope that he will in fact be alive come season’s end. Can you say addition by subtraction?
Now we move on to the Bills. Once again they miss out on the top spot in our list only because there is another team in the division that sucks worse than they do. It was said right here on this blog last week that EJ Manuel should hurry back and play, because well even Tom Brady torched that horrid Pittsburgh defense. Whoops! Old “Hoops” Manuel was just as dynamic as ever compiling an impressive 22-39/ 155 yard, 1 int, 1 TD stat-line. He was fortunate enough to throw a garbage time TD pass to some guy no one has ever heard of to save himself the humiliation of being shut out by that bunch of scrubs, but this game showed us once again that Doug Marrone might be good enough to lead a team to a .500 record in the Big East, but might not be good enough to lead a team in the NFL. Maybe they can clone Marv and in a few years, once Q-Bert Levy is old enough, the Bills can be good again? However, the Bills defense does seem to be pulling it together as the young guys grow up and the older guys prepare to leave via free agency (they still kind of screwed me in fantasy though…).
We’ll quickly spend some time with the Jets, because it looks like Rex is determined to keep the organization in its continuous state of mediocrity by just missing out on the playoffs at 8-8 (or maybe someone will take week 17 off and let them back in again…) and settling in with a nice pick in the 15-18 range which will ensure they get yet another stud d-lineman that will once again give them the deepest front seven in the game, but not actually amount to any wins. You’ve got it in you boys, just keep on keepin’ on.
Now the Patriots. Has there ever been a team or organization more fortunate than these guys? I mean what the F? Somehow they take the week off and come out of it with a clear path to the #2 seed (and possibly #1, but I doubt that) and a bye in the playoffs. I personally pronounced this team dead a few weeks ago, but that was without taking into account the fact that Marvin Lewis is genetically engineered to be 8-8, the Colts are supremely overrated and the rest of the AFC just plain sucks (I’ll put it on the record now, KC is going to somehow finish 15-1, only losing to Denver once and Peyton will have to go on the road and lose in the wildcard round). This makes another AFC Championship game for the Pats a real possibility. Shane Vereen is coming back, Rob Gronkowski is beastly again and it appears that “Thumbs Dobson” found out that the team was pranking him by substituting his stick-um for WD-40 and he can in fact catch the football. Everything really is coming up Patriots (again).
Bonus section: The ‘Noles routed the nerds from Wake Forest like they were supposed to and the Ducks showed their true colors against the nerds from Stanford so FSU has a clear path to a showdown with the Tide in Pasadena on January. (Oh yeah and the Canes suck, suck, SUCK!!!!). GO NOLES!!!!!!!!