Well, well, well….Week 2 is in the books and the overall record of the AFC East teams is not unfamiliar at 1-3, how we got there had a few twists and turns. So, let’s not waste any time getting right to it.
One thing that’s always familiar, is the Jets being in last place. Once again the Jets strolled onto the field in New Jersey and completely embarrassed themselves, their families and anyone who has ever had the misfortune of calling themselves a “Jets Fan”. You know, I’m kind of starting to feel bad for young STD, his life once had some promise, then the Browns passed him over and doomed him to an eternity of misery with the Jets. Think about that, this poor s.o.b. is in a worse place to play quarterback than Cleveland. The game was what we’ve all come to expect from the Jets, complete incompetence from the head coach on down. The 49ers lost man after man to the shoddy mob contractor installed MetLife turf, including their QB and one of the best pass rushers in the NFL and the Jets still found a way to lose by 4 scores. And the day was truly highlighted by a play that basically was a microcosm of the Jets’ entire existence. The 9ers faced a 3rd and 31 from around their own 10 yard line, resigned to the punt, they ran a simple draw play. The play went for about 50 yards. 1st down, the Jets truly do suck at football.
And I suppose the Miami Dolphins being here in second to last place should not shock anyone as well. The Fins held their own against what is sure to be the AFC’s representative in the Super Bowl, pulling the game to within 3 points late in the 4th quarter. Of course some fans of that other team who have developed a millennial like sense of unearned superiority will tell you that was just garbage time and the game was never in doubt, those of us who understand how time works and have viewed an football game (or maybe even are Atlanta Falcons fans) will tell you that 54 seconds is an eternity in an NFL game, especially when the opponent is historically prone to supreme blunders that cost them the game. In other positive news, the Iron Man, DeVante Parker looks like he’s really playing for a contract. For the first time in this humble reporter’s memory he battled through an injury to not only play, but play well against one of the better defensive backs in the league. The only real letdown from the Fins here is the fact that they continue to waste our time and make their fans wait to see the QB that they’ve lusted over for nearly three years out on the field. I for one am still holding out for the old switcheroo on Thursday night…I know it’s unorthodox and potentially “stupid” to try something like this on a short week, but that’s why it just might work…Stupid like a fox. And come on, you’re facing Doug Marrone and Gardner Minshew, a blindfolded chimp should be able to do that on four days’ notice, so Tua, a real human boy, should be able to handle it with ease.
And in third to last, or what an optimist may call second place, the New England Patriots. And this is where things start to get weird…For well over a decade and long before this article series began, there was no such thing as a ‘moral victory’ for the Pats. They were always the favorite to win and even in victory, they were more often than not bashed for not doing it well enough. This humble reporter often leading the charge. But as they say in 2020, we are living through some unprecedented times and are forced to accept that life has likely changed forever, Cam Newton is the quarterback and fans may have to get used to being 6.5 point underdogs on Sunday Night Football. Most fans expected the Seahawks beat the Pats fairly thoroughly, so losing on literally the last play, nearly coming back from two scores down with 5 minutes left was a nice surprise. What was a bigger surprise, was the command that one Cam Newton showed throughout the game. He wasn’t without his faults, he threw behind an open receiver, resulting in an interception and had another that was very similar and probably should have been returned for a TD the other way. But on the whole, he was very efficient throwing the ball and didn’t need to rely solely on running around to make plays. He showed poise when the Pats went down and literally came within one yard of leading a Brady-like comeback in only his 2nd game in Brady’s old job. More tests are coming for Cam and the Pats (like, “does the defense really suck that bad?”), but for now, it feels kind of nice to be able to see some growth in a loss.
Now for the winner of the week:
The first place Buffalo Bills. It’s obvious to anyone who’s ever watched a game of football that Josh Allen is the greatest QB to ever play and anyone who has ever said otherwise just doesn’t know what they are talking about. Mr. Allen has stared down some of the greatest competition that the NFL has ever seen and he merely laughed in it’s face. The Mighty Dolphins of Miami hadn’t lost a game in over six whole days, but that streak was no match for the Man with the Aluminum Arm. Mr Allen shredded the vaunted Fins’ defense to the tune of 417 yards, a feat not matched since the Great Matt Ryan did it back on opening day, or until Dak Prescott exceeded it later that afternoon. But it was fortunate that Josh is so great, the Bills’ defense was down a couple of guys that most of America has never heard of, and Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard was feasting on their replacements. I mean it’s really foolish to even play the rest of the season in these Covid times, I say just call it off and name the Bills champs.