Boom week 3 is in the books. We’ve got two undefeated teams and two completely defeated teams. Also, AB has been jettisoned. Let’s get right after it:
Last place is a real tough call…But I’ll leave the Fins down there. No need to make them clean all their shit out of the basement, just to move it back in next week. The Dolphins decided that Fitz’ magic was as dark a Voldemort’s fractured soul, so they decided to roll poor Josh Rosen out against the Cowboys. And I tell you what, I’m sure lucky baker Mayfield is so bad right now, or I’d be taking a lot more heat on my prediction that Rosen has the potential to be a competent NFL QB. To be honest, I didn’t watch this game, why would anyone subject themselves to watching this god-awful team? I just hope the plan works, because if we’re subjected to this for another year so they can try for Sunshine in 2021, I think the league might have to institute some sort of soccer-like rule where you are kicked out of the league for sucking too bad.
Speaking of teams who should be kicked out of the league…Second to last place goes to the Jets. I know, I know, the Jets have a lot of injuries and their QB is more or less a petri dish for infectious diseases, buy come on man you guys blow. The still have not scored an offensive touchdown in New England since 2015 and they failed to convert one single third down conversion all day. It’s just sad. But hey, STD should come back soon and all the guys on the defense seems to have their cycles synched, so they’ll be back after the bye. Then, when the Jets continue to lose because they are coached by a complete buffoon who is STILL walking around the facility bragging about how much money he makes, with not a care in the world that his team blows. Oh well, remember when there were people who thought the Jets were potentially a playoff team? Yeah, those were good times.
That was gross…Now, let’s get to the undefeated teams that reside in the division.
Second place is the Bills this week. Sorry Bills fans; but allowing the Bengals to hang around to tie the game in the fourth quarter is just not impressive. I get that this was a picture-perfect trap game for the Bills, with the defending Super Bowl champions looming on the horizon, but still, it’s the Bengals man. Josh Allen is the epitome of a mediocre QB, but he does just enough to win games and the Bills’ defense is pretty darn good. The news out of this game was really the Bills’ newest treasure, Dawson “Creek” Knox. He absolutely dominated this game in Gronkowski fashion, running over dudes on his way to immortality. There is a 100% chance that there will be at least four Zubaz clad mafia morons that light their brand-new Knox jersey on fire while trying to take a flaming shot out of some poor underage girl’s butt crack. And it’s gonna be amazing.
First place the Pats. They only beat the Jets, so we’re not doing any cartwheels here. But the defense has still not allowed a touchdown this season and as I mentioned before, they did not allow one third down conversion all day. But let’s talk about the fact that the Pats’ defense has allowed an average of 15 yards per drive this season. Yes, you read that correctly. Now for the elephant in the room…Finally the locker room hurricane that is Antonio Brown cut. It only took him threatening some girl who told a story about him. What a piece of shit. Oh, but Bill Belichick is still refusing to answer questions about why he decided to employ such a stinky pile of human garbage. Hey, maybe he’ll run off the podium when people ask him about it. The stinking coward. You know what, I was looking for a reason to be pissed at Bill this season, and now he’s provided it. Fuck you Bill, I know you think you don’t owe anyone anything. But you’re wrong. You owe the fans an explanation, because without us, you are just a grumpy dude who probably would have killed himself 40 years ago.
Next week, is the clash of the undefeated AFC Leaders, in Buffalo. And it doesn’t even get us Nantz and Romo. Come on Bills, earn some respect would you?