3-1, what a week for the AFC East. And you gotta love the twist that we got out of the one and only loser. So, without further ado, let’s do it.
In last place; we find those lovable losers from Miami, the Dolphins. What a disaster this team is. Are we still using the hurricane as an excuse? I mean come on man, you lost to the Jets. That might be the most embarrassing thing to happen to the people of Miami since, well, ever. I think possibly that video of Bobby selling “fresh” fish in the parking lot at Publix. So what happened? I think it’s likely that Cutler went on a bender in Newark and was horribly hung over. I mean that’s really the only excuse for him being soooo bad against such a shitty defense. On the plus side, they did get a garbage time TD, which saved my rear in my big money fantasy league (and no, I will not be counting on any Dolphins from here on out). I know all you Fin fans out there were expecting an improvement and your team to finish somewhere around 10-6 or 11-5, but unless Mikey T decides to go out and sign Kaepernick, you’re looking at 6-10 at best.
After that brief interlude, let’s move on to the winners.
The Jets won a game, the Jets won a game!!! It looks like my prediction of the Jets screwing up their tank job is still alive. As we’ve kind of covered, the shitty Jets beat the shitty Dolphins. This game was utter domination for about 3 and a half quarters the Jets and their fans were just laughing and toying with the Dolphins. Josh McCown looked downright competent, completing over 78% of his passes for 225+ yards. He’d better watch out, showing too much talent will land him a spot on the end of the bench. Same can be said for budding superstar Robbie Anderson, if he continues to have halfway decent games like this, you can bet he’ll be on IR before long. At least the running backs are holding up their end of the bargain (except this McGuire fella, whoever he is), Powell and Forte combined to turn 23 carries into 62 yards. That’s a little better production than Jets’ Brass would like to see, but at least they are trying to not win.
Next up is the New England Patriots. I really would have liked to rank this team lower, but they did win (barely) and they are not the Jets…So let’s talk about this game. The Pats faced the Texans, a team that they have completely dominated for as long as anyone can remember/ The Texans brought a rookie QB into Foxboro; who threw for a whopping 125 yds in his first start against the Bengals (yes, the Bengals who are easily one of the 3 worst teams in the league right now). Now before the game, not one fan or “analyst” thought that the Texans could possibly put up more than 14 points. Boy did they underestimate the legendary suckiness of the Pats’ defense. After allowing a rookie QB, making only his second start ever in the NFL to complete over 66% of his passes, for over 300 yards and two TDs, the Pats’ defense is on pace to literally be the worst defense in league history, surpassing the 2012 Saints. Yes you read that right, the Pats are literally on pace to be the worst defense in history. (#inBillWeTrust) The offense was OK, they really didn’t look great until the final drive, which was also spotty with Nate Soldier showing you just how terrible he is at football. Thank god Tom Brady is the best ever and seems to be ageless, because without him, the Pats lose this game by 30.
And the big winner of the week, the Buffalo Bills. To be more accurate, the FIRST PLACE Buffalo Bills. Now CJ says that he didn’t go to the bar and go all Bills’ Mafia on the people of Denver, but my sources in Denver sent me evidence to the contrary. On to the game, I’m not sure anyone really saw this coming. The Bills offense was impressive, considering the caliber of defense that they were facing. Tyrod had quite possibly his best game as a pro throwing the ball. Looks like he doesn’t need Sammy after all. He spread the ball out, was very efficient and was able to avoid making mistakes. The Bills’ defense was equally as good. Heading into the week, many pundits were anointing Trevor Semen as the next great thing in the NFL, the Bills took care of that. Frustrating the crappy QB all day and completely stymying the Broncos’ vaunted run game. Does this mean that our old pal Darius is back on the beam and buying into coach Ticket Seller’s vision? I think that might just be true. These are good signs for the Bills, good enough to say that the Bills could hold on to first place for another week or so and will likely be right in the thick of the playoff race.
Long story short Bills fans, this is your year! (and if not, definitely next).