Older AFCE

AFCE Slick Weekly Overreactions

Older AFCE

AFCE Slick Weekly Overreactions
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Preseason Week 2 Overreactions

 

Oh boy, football is here. All four of our beloved teams played a preseason game again last week and we were all brought back down to earth a little bit…We did have a couple of teams actually win their games, but the final score has nothing to do with these rankings, just how the players played and how I see the final standings shaking out.

 

JETSSMLEFTIn last place we find the ever laughable New York Jets. The Jets did actually manage to win their game last Friday, something that their fans should not get all that used to. They played the Falcons, another team that is not very good, and were handled very soundly by the Falcons starters I the 1st quarter. And really short of a Leonard Williams safety and something named Rontez Miles returning a fumble 57 yds for a TD there was not much to smile about. Bryce Petty was the best passer they could muster, which is a bad sign for any team and the starting defense was shredded by a makeshift Falcons offense. So much for Revis being the savior…On the plus side, Jets fan should be used to this.

 

billshelmetsmIn second to last place we’re going to find the Bills. It could be argued that the Bills game against the Browns last week set the game of football back about 20 years. Sorry Bills fans, your team is loaded with talent and the defense could very well be the best we see in the league this season, but I just can’t get past the fact that a quadriplegic orangutan would be a better option at QB than the three headed monster of Cassel, Taylor and EJ…The most disturbing thing that I heard after the Bills allowed Johnny Stupid Face to look like an actual NFL QB is that there is strong support for EJ to be the QB inside to locker room. Let’s talk about the positives though; Ronald Darby had two interceptions in the game, something that he probably will never do again. That’s about it. This looked like it would be the year Bills fans, but alas it’s definitely going to have to be next year.

 

dolphins helmetIn one of the greatest Simpsons episodes ever, “Deep Space Homer”, Homer Simpson declared the two greatest words in the English language to be “de” and “fault”, this is a feeling that is sure to be adopted by Fins’ Nation by seasons’ end. The Fins finish in second place by default. Yes, the addition of Suh will make the defensive line better, but seeing as it was already one of the three or four best defensive lines in the league, the overall improvement of the entire team is not going to be as great as it could have been if they added say an all-world linebacker or offensive lineman. Tanny has certainly improved, but the lack of attention paid to the offensive line could very well land Lauren’s husband in a trauma unit by midseason and will no doubt put a damper LM3K’s quest to topple Eric Dickerson’s single season rushing record. No doubt the lube will be flowing freely for the first few games, but reality is sure to set in in the form of Joe Philbin when the Fins will have a chance to make the playoffs with just a win against the jets in week 17 and they lose 35-0. Offseason titles are nice, but someday Fin fans the world over are going to wake up and realize that the last time this team won a playoff game AOL was the dominant internet provider in America.

 

patshelmetsmlAnd once again your division winner will be the New England Patriots (this one is also bordering on default). The Pats don’t look great right now, but how does one expect Tom Brady to get a first down when he’s working with the likes of some guy named Kraus and a bunch of other folks who are only known to be NFL players by their immediate families. So what that Jamie Collins appears to have received training on covering backs out of the backfield from Brandon Spikes or the Logan Ryan needs to be brought out behind the bard and given the Old Yeller treatment, the two Malcolms are here to right everything. The Pats are really buying into this whole Swiss Defense strategy and while they are sure to be dead last in the league in total yard allowed, they look like they may be able to stay within the top 10 in points allowed which suits them nicely. As long as they lose in the AFC Championship or later, the Kraft family can sell it to the fans that they did everything possible to give the team a chance to win, while still holding their ever precious profit margins.

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