Another week, another division matchup; and just like last time, both teams showed up and played like the living embodiment of their head coaches. That’s OK for the Bills, but when your coach might have actually died four years ago, not so much…
Uh oh, that splashing sound you hear might be our aquatic brethren attempting to insert corks into their blowholes and end it all. In last place we find surprise, surprise the Miami Dolphins. What a way to open up the stadium for the 2015 season! Boy oh boy do the Dolphins suck…I’m really still trying to wrap my head around the levels of suckitude that the Fins have sunk to. Heading into the season, I had a feeling that this team would let their fanbase down, but this is just silly. Philbin needs to go, that’s been covered at nauseam so let’s talk about the players. Ryan Tannehill needs to grow a pair; when you have 1st and goal from the two and your OC calls four straight passing plays, you have to have the balls to read the defense and change the play and at least try to gain two yards on the ground at least once. I mean freelancing seems to be working for Suh right? And the most Dolphin thing in the world happened during the first quarter of that game, Lauren’s Husband passed the “great” Dan Marino for most pass attempts without an interception, then promptly throws three ints including a pick six, that’s no way to step out of your hot wife’s shadow. Anything else? Oh yeah, Rishard Matthews flopping into the endzone like a marine mammal out of water was the perfect picture of this season for the Fins, just embarrassing, they even look bad when they get something right. If the Fins lose in London (they’ll be 0-2 at home this year) they should probably just stay there and forfeit the rest of the season.
OK, next up we have the Jets. And the most Jet player in the world doing Jet things… The Jets came out with a shovel and dug themselves a giant hole against a bad team. And that’s your 2015 Jets, a team that has a considerable amount of talent, but is prone to mental lapses that will result in a number of losses. The defense is still good, I mean they held Chip Kelly’s revolutionary offense scoreless in the second half and no one has done that before…So the Jets are beginning their decent into mediocrity, it was a good run while it lasted but come on, these are the Jets and no one, not even our friend that likes to use random stats to make bad players look good, really believed that this team was a real contender this year. They get the good fortune of playing the Dolphins in a foreign country on what is likely to be Joe Philbin’s retirement party day so next week Jet fans will once again believe that there is hope. I just ask them to please look and remember who the Jets really are.
And now we get to the winners.
First up and in second place, we find the Buffalo Bills. The Bills rebounded nicely from the debacle that was week 2 and in most weeks a 42-14 dismantling of a division opponent would land you the top spot in these rankings. Unfortunately for the Bills, their opponent was the Dolphins who might be the worst team in the NFL right now and beating by less than 50 is an underachievement. The Bills once again looked nasty, the defense was flying all over the field, harassing Lauren’s Husband and intercepting his feeble attempts to throw the ball. Now for the real surprise, Tyrod Taylor might not be a terrible quarterback. Yeah, you read that right, yes he will still run himself into several sacks when his first or second read is not open, but when presented with a terrible defense, he can make plays. This is something that Bills fans have not seen since Ralph refused to let Doug Flutie play. Couple that with Karlos Williams surprising most everyone and elevating the running game to serviceable levels and now we’re tailgating with gas (still not good enough to be considered charcoal quality, but hey it’s better than the hobo fire that they’ve been for the better part of a decade). Bills fans have real reason for some hope and optimism right now, the Fins are frauds and second place in the division and a wild card spot are there for the taking. Come on Bills, just don’t Bills up the season and you might soon have good reason to look down on the Browns and Raiders for once.
And your division leader and (if you believe the local and national media) eventual AFC Champion is the New England Patriots. The Pats and their fans entered week three hearing about how their opponent boasted the #3 ranked run defense in the league and an offense that has no less than three future hall of famers (these reports came mostly from Miami fans who wanted to explain away their teams’ week 2 loss) and that this was a textbook trap game and the Pats had no shot at covering the spread. Well the Pats are obviously the greatest team ever assembled. They decimated that vaunted Jacksonville defense and decided to give punter Ryan Allen the day off. The Pats ran and threw all over the place and once the blood dried and Jimmy Gameday took the final kneel down, the score was 51-17. The Pats face one of their toughest remaining opponents this week, the bye, let’s hope that they can get through healthy.