Well, well, well. What do we have here? Why it’s a 2-2 week. Good job team, even the losers fought valiantly to overcome their suckitude. So let’s get right after it…
In last place, you guessed it, the Jets. The Jets are a terrible football team that has completely thrown in the towel on the season. I mean not only have they decided to allow Todd Bowles to sleep out the string, but someone even woke him up in the first quarter to make a decision on a penalty. Of course it went exactly as you would think. Declining the penalty leaves the Pats in a 4thand 2 situation where they kick a medium distance field goal. Accepting the penalty gives them 3rdand 15, still in field goal range and one chance to throw the ball into the endzone. You guessed it, Todd accepted the penalty, Brady to Gronk for 30 yds and a TD. I laughed out loud. And let’s talk about the actual players the Jets got a red headed Hayden Christiansen to play QB for them, but he’s shut down for the rest of the year too (well maybe not, it would be the smart move at this point and this is the Jets we’re talking about). I digress, he didn’t play, the old guy did instead. And he try as he might, he was not able to be effective surrounded by that cast of characters. I will give credit to Jamal Adams, because I feel like my view of him has been skewed. Adams is very good, and if he ever goes to play for a real organization, he could be a key piece in a championship defense. But he’ll likely go to Dallas or something and develop a serious drug habit.
I know this will shock and appall many of our friends here, but the Fins are in second to last again. The reason for this is that they suck at football and they continue to lose. But hey, we got to see the return of Tannehill this week. And the Miami Mannequin did what he does, played an extraordinary game of football that his acolytes can extoll due to his excellent completion percentage and average yards per rush. He’s definitely worth keeping around for at least ten more years, he’ll definitely have reached that ceiling by then. But the Fins did fight hard in defeat. I actually picked up the Colts’ defense in fantasy because I expected the Fins to implode completely. But I was mistaken, they only played to their average level of suck and narrowly lost. Oh look…Here’s some more good news, Iron Man Parker made it through another game without straining a hangnail. I mean he caught three passes for 10 yards, but that breakout season is coming. Just have more patience with him, one or two more years and he’ll be elite.
Now, on to the winners.
In second place, the Pats. The pats won the game, but it was only a game against the Jets and they didn’t look that great doing it. But as they say, a win is a win. And everyone seems to be losing around the Pats, so they’ve moved back into position for a bye in the playoffs and home field advantage for their divisional round loss. But on the plus side, Gronk did some things that resembled what Gronk does, Edelman made a couple of great catches and even Sony Michel ran through a tackle or two. If only Brady could throw an accurate pass consistently, I might even believe this team has a chance to return to another AFC Championship game. The defense was not great, but they are just above terrible, so that’s an improvement. Oh yeah, Patterson grabbed that guy by the cock ‘n balls, that was pretty funny. Also, Sony Michel wasn’t hurt, he definitely pooped himself. He just had to get cleaned up and came in to have a pretty solid second half.
And in first place, of course it’s the Buffalo Bills. “The Bills?” You ask. Yes, you know how this works, the Bills beat the Jags, who kicked the Pats’ asses (also the Titans) and destroyed the Jets instead of just beating them, therefore the Bills are better. JP Allen is now being called the “White Cam Newton” by Bills fans. I mean he is the ultimate game managing QB, with his rushing yards nearly surpassing those he stumbles across in the passing game…(that 75 yarder to the guy who I’ve never heard of was a sick throw though). I’m leaning more towards Ryan Tannehill without the tan or hot wife. So I guess that would be the “Whiter Ryan Tannehill”. I mean the Bills are running on all cylinders right now, they are on a winning streak, Shaq Lawson made himself known in the game for possibly the first time in his career (it was for getting ejected, but he at least took the Jags’ best player with him) and KB even caught the ball. Hope and optimism have returned to the shores of Lake Erie, soak it up Bills fans, winter is setting in, but at least this year you have someone to keep you warm at night.