Slick’s AFCE Week 9 Overreactions

Slick’s AFCE Week 9 Overreactions
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Week 9 Overreactions

Ho hum, another week of NFL football has come and gone and we here in the AFC East are left in a very similar place that we have been for the better part of the last fifteen years. Three teams played this week, two kicked ass and one allowed their opponent to score while sitting on his ass…Let’s get after it.

Well you may be surprised to be reading this, but the Jets lost again and in the process found newer and more ridiculous ways to embarrass themselves. Sunday marked day 1 of the post Geno Smith era and the Jets went out to prove that it wasn’t his fault after all; they suck as a team and no backup QB is going to change that. The Jets extended their season long losing streak to 8 games and while no one really expected them to win, but the new and improved ways they find to lose are astounding. On a play that 9,999 times out of 10,000 would result in a positive play for the defense, Calvin pace was blocked on a goal line pass play, realizing that he was blocked he did what he was coached to do and got his hands in the passing lane. Good news! He got a hand on the pass and deflected it high in the air. This is where the Jets showed us that they are the Jets and nothing is going to make this season tolerable. Chiefs TE, Anthony Fasano happened to be laying on the ground (most likely taking the play off) around the three yard line, surrounded by no less than three Jets players. Fasano opened his eyes (most likely to see who was disturbing his nap) to find the ball slowly falling into his lap, he caught the ball and rolled into the endzone for a touchdown. Yup, that’s the Jets for you. It’s going to be as long winter, don’t expect another win from this team until week 17 when a loss would ensure the #1 overall pick and a win will drop them to 4 or 5.

Now we’re on to the Buffalo Bills. The Bills have to be pissed this week, in recent years the bye week is the best opportunity for an AFC East team not named The Patriots to move up a half game in the standings. Good news for Bills fans though, none of their players were arrested for raw dogging anything in a drunken stupor over the week. (this report could change though once authorities are finished interviewing all of the children at all 37 of the local schools where Kyle Orten went to “read” to kids) Other great news for the Bills is that Kiko Alonso is reporting that he is running in a straight line, so he’s officially at Brandon Spikes’ level.

Now is where things get tricky, any other week, the Miami Dolphins would be making it rain up in the penthouse and having a slip and slide party due to all the lube that is now covering all of Dade County. The Fins welcomed Philip Rivers and the stumbling Chargers to SunLife Stadium with an ass kicking of epic proportions. Speaking to many Fins fans afterward; they reported being caught in a state of disbelief, many fearing that they would soon be forced back to reality and find that like usual they had lost 37-0, not won. The Tan Man seems to be taking his time with new Big Brother Dan Marino very seriously. He’s been picture perfect over the past couple of weeks and when the QB doesn’t make mistakes, it allows the Dolphins defense, which has benefitted in recent weeks by playing horrible QBs took it to a guy that was an MVP candidate up until two weeks ago. Rivers didn’t stand a chance, the pressure was all over him all day resulting in a magnificent 4 turnovers. The Fins are creeping up on that final wild card spot in the AFC, let’s just hope that week 17 loss to the Jets doesn’t knock them out.

And as always, the New England Patriots and their fans are lounging around on the first of their bye week days off and laughing at the rest of the division’s teams and their fans who thought that somehow, some way the Pats’ reign of dominance in the division would be coming to an end this year. Many fans of Patriot rivals were looking forward to Sunday with a semi in their trousers, just waiting for Monday morning when they’d have the opportunity to say, “See, I told you the Pats were only winning because they played crappy teams!” The Pats opened their doors to the team that has been widely proclaimed the best in the NFL; The Denver Broncos, this weekend and every major sports media personality that isn’t either in Boston or is a Patriots Alumni, had given the Pats no shot to win this game. Kurt Warner even declared on the NFL Network’s pre-game show that the Broncos would come in and win by 20+. Well, a team did win by 20+, but it was not the team that most of America was rooting for. The Pats made Peyton Manning look like it was 2003 all over again as they confused the Forehead into making mistakes reserved for the likes of Geno Smith. Here we are picking up the pieces of the Broncos, folks are scrambling to figure out how they can still consider Peyton Manning to be a better QB than Tom Brady after loss number 11 out of 16 tries. The last time the Pats lost a week one game was 2003. It was to a division foe, closely following a trade of a team leader and icon. In week four of that same season, the Pats suffered a humiliating loss in week four. They did not lose another game until the middle of the next season…Let’s shoot for 22 this time.


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