2022 Week 1 Overreactions
Holy shit. We’re here already, the 2022 NFL season is upon us and it looks to be a very different year than many of us have experienced over the last 20 years or so. Well, except for the Jets fans, the Jets will likely be just as bad as usual. But let’s not waste any more time and get right into it.
In last place, the Pats. What a disgrace this team is. Really it’s not the players’ fault that the Head Coach/ GM has gone completely senile and refuses to employ actual football coaches or play some of his best players. The Pats opened the game by moving the ball downfield pretty well, but a terrible play call, left Mac Jones with only one option on a passing play, so he forced the ball to a well covered Devante Parker, who didn’t try and the ball was deflected and intercepted. That was about it for the offense on the day, because Bill Belichick is mad that his best WR said what we all know, Matt Patricia is a bad choice for OC, so he isn’t allowed to play. Also, he signed a bunch of giant, fat, immobile linemen to run a zone blocking scheme which requires athleticism out of linemen. This team is going to be the laughing stock of the entire NFL all year, so strap in, it’s gonna be fun. The Pats need to go to Belichick today and tell him the he needs to make the choice, either give up his GM duties and accept an actual OC, or go work for another team. It’s not going to work in NE the way it did for so long. Weird, losing the best footballer of all time makes the job harder.
Second to last, the Jets. I guess this year might be different for the Jets too…They probably won’t finish last in the division, what with the Pats being so terrible. I mean the Jets were embarrassed, but their young players looked good and just about all of them contributed. I mean the real problem with the Jets is the same problem that they’ve had for 30 or so years now. Their QB sucks; and boy, Flacco just sucks out loud that guy is 100% there to collect a paycheck and you can tell he’s pissed at the world for making him have to actually go out there and play to earn it. The defense, which is supposed to be the saving grace for this team, got shredded by a running back playing QB. But, I don’t want to say anything too mean, because I heard Robert “Tossed” Salah say that he’s taking notes and keeping receipts. I sure wouldn’t want him to come back and show me…Honestly, the only receipts he should be keeping are for his expenses, because he’s gonna need that cash in a few months when he’s fired.
Now, the winners.
Second place goes to the Dolphins. Congratulations to Bong Shula on earning his first win as an NFL head coach. I know, he only beat one of the worst teams in the league (possibly with the worst coaching staff of all time), but he did get a win in his first try. The Fins look poised to let Dolphins nation down again, by winning just enough games to just miss the playoffs. Tua is often mocked around here, and in most of civilized society for his lack of ability to play QB. But, the guy is now 4-0 against Bill Belichick, a winning percentage that no other QB in the history of the NFL can boast (with more than two attempts). Tyreek Hill is who we thought he was, a horrible person, that should be in jail and if god was real who should have been killed crossing the street years ago, but he’s good at football so all of you Dolphin fans will forgive and forget. Waddle is still the best WR the Fins have.
And first place goes to the Bills. They won, handily over the reigning Super Bowl champs on opening night. Good job. But it was sloppy, you’re not gonna beat a Tom Brady led team in the Super Bowl masking mistakes like that (and there is a statistical probability that Mr. Brady will be representing the NFC this year). I know, Bills fans have been waiting all year for me to write this, saying the Bills are awesome for playing well in the regular season, but sorry, the regular season no longer matters for the Bills. None of this matters if they don’t win the Super Bowl, so they better start striving for perfection now. Good job Bills, go work on those issues and try again next week.