Surprise! The AFC East actually went 4-0 this week!!! With three of our four teams humiliating AFC North teams (Hi Neighbors!) and the Bills got to beat up on a soft AFC South team. It’s an exciting time to be alive! Let’s get right to it.
On to the winners!
In 4th place, the Pats. Yes, I know above I said all three teams that played AFCN teams humiliated their opponents. In truth, the Steelers humiliated themselves and the Pats humiliated themselves a little less. Yes, the Pats got a win, but they still look pretty terrible. You can see the effect that the coaching of Fatt Patricia and Joe Sludge has had on Mac. He’s now, ultra timid and just throws the ball where his moronic leaders tell him where to go with it. Fortunately the ball he put off a Steeler’s facemask at the end of the game was not caught. The Pats’ defense is still a little better than OK, which is enough to get the better of Mitch, but we’ll see what happens next week when they are trying to chase Lamar around. But hey, Pats fans can dance around for at least one week, thinking that Bill has figured it all out (he hasn’t).
And in third place, the Bills. I know, I know, they kicked the shit out of the Titans on Monday Night Football. Honestly, who cares? They had a week and a half to prepare for their home opener against a bad team, who thought that a rookie should be left alone on one of the best WRs in the league all night. They were a bit sloppy again in the first half, and honestly, without Ryan Tannehill doing Tannehill things and a healthy dose of REFS, they may have even been trailing at halftime. Their success on 3rd and 1 was abysmal, but they were able to put together a hell of a 3rd quarter, which made Mike Vrabel wave the white flag before the 4th even started, so there’s that. Good job Bills, you’re 2-0, only 16 more weeks until your games matter.
And second place goes to the Jets. It was a tough call as to which comeback needed to go 1st this week, but the Jets got a lot of help in theirs, so we’re gonna dock them for that. It must have been nice for coach Imhotep to be able to cash in his first receipt- well, since the opponent was the Browns, it thinks it’s more of a torn ticket stub from the county fair, but whatever- the Jets stayed with it and never gave up. And once the Browns started their collapse, you knew what was gonna happen. All in all, Flacco actually looked like he cared, maybe he sees the end of his time as a started and figures he can fleece the Johnsons out of another $10M next year as well. The Jets’ young players on offense all seem to be contributing, so there’s a real chance that the Jets can do something they haven’t done in a few years, finish third in the final division standings.
And your first place team, the team that also sits in first place in the standings, your Miami Dolphins. Mike McDaniel has had to face two of the best opposing head coaches in the league in his first two weeks as an NFL Head Coach. He’s beaten them both. The Fins look poised to make Bills fans very uncomfortable this season. Their so called awful QB just did something Josh Allen has never done and has that offense looking pretty darn good. Jaylon Waddle continues to be the stud that he was last season and Tyreek Hill continues to be the shitty human but good football player that he’s always been. This is trouble for opposing defenses, and when that opposing defense has a secondary as injured and terrible as the Ravens’ is, those two fellas are gonna feast. Honestly Waddle is a joy to watch, he makes catches and then watching him make defenders look foolish once he has the ball is really a treat. And yeah, if little Tua and his mighty left arm can hold up, this team could screw up the playoff seeding for some folks.
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