Oh boy oh boy oh boy. What a week in the AFC East. Three teams played, well kind of, maybe one team played a whole game, one team played for a little while and another team started J Peterman and his Urban Sombrero.
Let’s get right to it.
Not really in question who’s taken up residence in the basement. And if the front office doesn’t stop meddling with the QB position, it could be permanent. (You know, I think I might have said that about all four team in this division this season. Someone should write and tell these teams that they are supposed to be fighting for first place…but I digress…) The Brain trust of Terry, Kim and Mr. Beane decided that now that the team is in playoff position and past the halfway point of the season, this is the perfect time to show their foolish, black QB who’s in charge. So, naturally, they forced The Clapper to bench one of the more efficient QBs in the entire NFL over the past three seasons for a 5th round QB, who couldn’t even start at the University of Tennessee and had to transfer to Pitt. Now, according to the Bills Mafia, J. Peterman is the second coming of Tom Brady. He proceeded to throw more interceptions in the first half than Brady has thrown in the last calendar year. And that’s about it. Game over. But hey, Coach Clapper was forced to throw Tyrod back in the game and guess what? Tyrod was good. Let’s not even talk about the defense that’s given up 135 points in the last three games, to elite offenses like the Jets and old ass Chargers. Nope, nothing to see here.
In second to last place, we find Jay Cutler wandering around the head trauma ward at Westchester General. The Dolphins are not good. I know Fin fans will tell us until they are teal in the face that Tanny is hurt and next year they will be back. Interesting theory. I didn’t realize that Tanny played defense. What a joke this team is, you just gave up 30 points and nearly 300 passing yards to Ryan Fitzpatrick. Despicable. OK, I’m done talking about that shitty, cheap shot laying a bunch of criminals that they call a defense. Let’s talk about the offense! Jay Cutler is obviously dreaming of naked evenings in the tropics with his hot wife. Although, it’s not really his fault. This is who Cutler has always been, and Adam “Overrated” Gase new that when he brought Jay in. On the plus side, Jarvis Landry has been pretty good. Which is great seeing as he’s about to be suspended for his first 6 games with his new team next year (kind of works out perfectly, he’ll get 6 games so no one will want him, then it will come out that he’s 100% innocent and the Pats will sign him for a ham sandwich and win the next 75 Super Bowls).
The Jets were on a bye (right? I mean it is possible that I just didn’t notice them…)
And the only winner of the week…
The Pats. Or should we say Los Patriotas? The Pats stayed at the Air Force Academy last week in preparation for their trek to Mexico City for a contest against the Raiders. The Pats were prepared to play and the Jack Del Rio coached Raiders were not. (as Jack Del Rio coached teams tend to be…) Tom Brady showed the wisdom of his years, absolutely shredding the Raiders defense for over 300 yards, 3 TDs and of course no interceptions. The Pats’ offense is rounding into that unfair matchup that we had anticipated heading into the season. And they are still getting some guys back from injury come playoff time…And the defense. Through one-quarter of the season, the Pats defense was easily the worst in the history of ever, now, however, they may be the best in the history of ever. People made a big deal of how the Pats would possibly cover the likes of Miguel Crabtree an Amare Cooper. I’ll tell you how, with the greatest CB trio in the league: Butler, Gilmore, and Jones. At this point, the division race is what it has been for the past decade and a half, just a wait until the Pats get their hats and t-shirts in early December. See you in the AFC Championship game (vs the Jags, after they upset the Steelers).