I’m not sure if this case of vomiting and diarrhea that I‘ve been enduring all day is due to some form of food poisoning, or the fact that I just had to be subjected to an extra long week of AFC East football. The week started on Thursday and ran all the way through Monday night. And it sucked from tip to tail. Let’s go right after it I suppose.
In last place, the Bills. I’m sorry Bills fans, I don’t like doing this to you, but my god that team is wretched. The coach is a bad cheerleader, you don’t have a QB and tom Brady is the 4thwinningest QB in the history of your own stadium. It might be time to just burn it all down and move to Mexico City. Let’s talk about the game…This was the Bills’ first appearance on MNF in about a decade, and we won’t be seeing them there anytime soon. The Pats did everything in their power to lose this game, but the Bills went full Bills and refused to take it. For example, the Bills are down only 12-6 at the end of the third quarter, with the ball on the 49, faced with a 4thand 3. Punt. The Pats drive 85 yards and score their first TD of the game. Shortly thereafter, the Bills get an excellent return and start 1stand 10 at the Pats’ 35. The next three plays went Anderson fumble (recovered), Shady for -3 yds, pass to KB for 5 yds. Then another punt. Under normal circumstances, the Bills would be in prime position to just tank and get the #1 pick. Unfortunately, Gruden. Well that sucks, enjoy your next DT that gets picked #4 overall.
Second to last, the Dolphins. The Brocktoberfest celebration has devolved into a frat party and Gase is too busy holding Osweiller’s feet for the keg stand to actually put together a gameplan. But I suppose that’s what you get when you get a Bro for a head coach, they just have never seen a keg that they didn’t want to tap. I feel like it’s the same old story with the Dolphins, the O line blows, the QB sucks and the defense isn’t living up to potential. So this is the same as just about every Dolphins season since 1995. I don’t even really have anything to say, because nothing I say could be considered an overreaction…The Fins suck, they made a bunch of moves this offseason that got the fans all lubed up and every move has turned out to be the wrong one. (Albert Wilson is good, but his blowing out a knee is just about the most predicable thing in all of sports) I don’t know, this game was last week, all I remember is that 4 – 12 is still very likely for the Fins.
Third to last, the Jets. The Jets stink, we knew that. But a miracle happened this week, Anakin Skywalker made it through an NFL game without throwing an interception! I suppose that has Gang Green running around with raging hard ons in their track pants. “See, I told you that he was great!” He can’t win, but Jets fans don’t know much about winning anyway…The Bears, you lost to the freaking Bears! Even the Dolphins beat the Bears, my god what a disgrace that franchise it. On the plus side, I knew that I could stack my fantasy team with Bears this week to ensure victory…
Fourth to last, the Pats. We talked a bit about this pig of a game earlier, but I will gladly take this chance to talk about how shitty the Pats were. I get that no one want to be in Buffalo on a Monday night, but come on, show a little effort please. You know how little the Pats respected the Bills, when they put Corredelle Patterson at starting RB. So if the coaches don’t care, why should the players? And it showed. Brady was as inaccurate as I’ve ever seen him, missing wide open receivers and throwing the ball at the feet of RBs all night long. If this is what we’ve got to look forward to until he turns 45, then maybe one of the other teams in the division does have a shot to win the division at 7-9…I will give praise to Trey Flowers, who was without a doubt the best player on the field last night. It’s a shame that he’s in a contract year though, because this is the last we’ll see of him. It’s going to really suck to watch him terrorize the Pats in a Dolphin or Jets uniform next year. Oh well, the Pats will have Tulley Banta-Claiborne for another few years.
I’m going to throw up again.