Older AFCE

Older AFCE

TEBOW-MANIA – Can Josh McDaniels be Saved?

TEBOW-MANIA – Can Josh McDaniels be Saved?
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josh mcdaniels

Josh McDaniels

 

That coaches sometimes love certain quarterbacks until it ruins their career is not uncommon in the NFL.  Symptoms include insisting talent exists where nobody else sees it and having just been fired for drafting him, dragging the flawed QB to your new team with you. In extreme cases the coach may shower the inept QB with extensions, cash, and publicly display tattoos of the player.

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Tebowmania shows up on x-rays as a small lesion similar to a tumor and isolated from the brain itself.

Can Josh McDaniels be saved from Tebowmania?

The answer is yes according to leading neurologists. The hope lies in a new technique developed at NE Baptist Hospital that can cook the part of the brain where Tebow loving occurs. The procedure begins with drilling a small burr hole, about the diameter of a pencil, into the coach’s skull. Next an MRI-guided high-intensity laser probe is inserted into the brain itself. The laser emerges from the probe at a 90 degree angle, so once it is in the correct position all the doctor has to do is heat the infected Tebow Loving tissue, essentially cooking it to death at 140 degrees (F). While the tissue is cooked, the doctors used the MRI machine to make sure the temperature of the surrounding cells was low enough so the healthy part of the brain survives.

NE Baptist just recently joined the growing list of hospitals using lasers to zap infected brain tissue. Commenting for the hospital Mike Jones the chief of neurosurgery said the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved lasers for neurosurgery in May 2009. This tool gives us a treatment for the growing of New Englanders suddenly struck by an unexplained love for Tebow. “It offers hope to certain fans who in the past had few or no options of ever being normal again.”

BIG TUMOR

This image shows the more aggressive growth of the Sanchez-Albatross lesion

 

Unfortunately in cases of what is known as the Sanchez-Albatross syndrome the infected area is much too large. Cooking this type of brain tissue infection requires the equivalent heat of placing the brain in a microwave with a potato and baking them together. The Sanchez infection is eradicated but the after surgery label of potato-head is attached to the patient for life.

Before you grab your Black and Decker, a ¼” bit, soldering iron and start drilling for oil in the garage remember the brain you have is the only one you get. Brain surgery should attempted only but qualified persons in sterile environments.

By:
Spot The Looney

General Disclosure/Disclaimer of material provided by Looney or lunatics in general: Whether intentional or not some readers may consider this writers work product to contain satire, sarcasm, faulty math, unsupported conclusions, and other literary devices including but not limited to outright fabrications and falsifications. The writer neither understands or acknowledges the existence of such things or is otherwise unaware of their existence and has no opinion of the impact of potentially non-existing concepts.

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